Hazzard Ahead
Johnny Hazzard Blog

Monday, May 7th 2007

Birthday Getaway

Posted by Johnny

Blowing out the candles

Last weekend I was back in Boston for my friend Saya’s birthday. We spent Saturday with her folks in Peterborough, NH. I love her family and I love where they live. The backdrop is green, lush and secluded with lots of lakes. This is where Stoneybrook Yogurt was founded, born out of one man’s desire to create something beneficial for the consumer and kind to the animals. We all joined forces to create a Mexican inspired feast; tacos with lime chicken, rice, beans, roasted veggies and an impromptu cilantro sauce that Saya whipped up.

Getting goofy

Getting Goofy!

JD & Saya

Our friend, JD, on his first trip to meet the family.

The next morning was the highlight of the trip, Montreal. We dropped JD at the train station and headed north. I love, love Montreal. I’ve always thought of it as a little Europe in my backyard, the city smells of the continent. It is in the attitudes, looks and general disposition of the people who call this lovely metropolis home. Saya knows her way around the city since she lived there for many years. It was such a nice way to see something new; through the eyes of somebody who knows it and loves it just as much as you.

Montreal

Hearing the native language of French spoken was also a treat. Such a beautiful language and Saya speaks it with finesse and confidence. As we walked around I would ask how to say something in French, I would study it in my head before proudly exclaiming my new word. It usually would become “the word” until something else caught my eye.

Montreal

Saya reached a break in a grueling week of sewing, cutting and more sewing. She, like me is a little arty and crafty. She makes extraordinary bags of all sizes that she sells to the boutiques around town. Fun fabrics, some from Senegal, they are original, whimsical yet remain functional and sturdy. You can see some of here work here.

Needless to say she was looking forward to some no obligation existing. I was all too happy to oblige. We took naps, ate, saw her friends from the old days and just hung out with no where to be and no where to go. The weather was not the greatest; it was gray and chilly with a very shy sun. It was that way all weekend until the morning we left; it was bright and clear all the way back home to Beantown.

It’s good to be home after a fun-filled weekend far away. I will be here for 12 days before I have to go to Vancouver on the 17th for a dance gig. Looking at the calendar I realize that I have not been home for more than 7 days in about a month or so. No complaints from me. That is definitely one of the perks of my job!

Thursday, April 26th 2007

So Dirty

Posted by Johnny

DJ Diva!

I drove to LA Wednesday just in time for the weekly “Dirty Deed” at Fubar where Boss Lady, DJ Chi Chi LaRue, was at the turntables turning it out. Blake Riley was the headlining dancer. You might remember him from my entry about the scene we shot together two weeks ago. He has the ass from God. Well, he shook what God gave him and gave new meaning to the term “money maker.” He took home quite a bit of cash that night. It can be a really lucrative gig if the night is right and your face is on the front door; it’s more money right off the top.

Blake Riley

Who could resist a mug like that?

The evening had the usual suspects and a couple I had not seen before such as Andrew Christian and Danny Pintauro from “Who’s the Boss”. Always a good night, I drank Black and Tan’s with Fat Tire and then headed over to the pizza joint on Santa Monica before the rush to indulge in a late night cheesy extravaganza.

Blake Riley and Greg Thompson

Greg Thompson joins the fun

Danny Pintauro

Danny Pintauro

Blake Riley

The crowd goes wild!

Blake Riley

There’s a president you haven’t seen recently!

Today I’m heading back to Boston for another birthday party and a little weekend getaway to Montreal with my dear friend Saya. She used live there so she knows all the really good, obscure cafes and the best bistros in town. More on that next week…

Monday, April 23rd 2007

Whatever Happened To Finishing School?

Posted by Johnny & Boy Wonder

Using my phone outside

Major advances in technology force the public to adapt and sometimes even modify the way they live their lives. When the stove came about we taught our children to not touch the burners. When the automobile was born we had to learn to look both ways before crossing the street or risk being splattered. At the same time, in order to operate an automobile, one had to be educated on the laws and earn a license to drive.

We learn the basic fundamentals of manners from our parents. You know, things like saying, “Excuse me” when passing in front of somebody else and not blurting something out during someone else’s conversation. Granted, parents could be doing a lot more in the way of teaching their kids manners and is it any wonder? They have no manners themselves! I guess it comes from a lack of consequences, but I am constantly shocked at the complete disregard for basic consideration when it comes to the use of mobile phones.

At the airport recently my thoughts were jarred when I overheard the conversation of a man behind me. I tried to figure out why I was so annoyed. Would I have been just as miffed had he been talking to his travel companion? No, because there is no way in hell that he would talk to somebody in front of him at that decibel. It was loud, very loud, shrieking wind with horizontal rain loud. This led me to think about the way I have seen people use phones and the various ways that it has pissed me off. There are a few simple principles I believe people should observe when using their phones in public. I realize that this information may seem a bit trite to the polite, respectful, educated and all-around awesome people that read this blog, but I’m in full rant mode and sometimes spelling out the obvious can make a difference.

Johnny Hazzard’s Mobile Phone Etiquette Guide

  1. If the volume of your conversation exceeds the level of ambient noise, kindly take your ass outside. A one-sided conversation is annoying under any circumstances.
  2. Every phone has a vibrate option. Locate this feature and think about how it can be used to maximize discretion. When you are out to dinner, in the theatre or anywhere that is quiet be kind to those around you. What a concept.
  3. For those individuals that forget when their phone is set on “deafen” and it goes off at the opera, instead of staring at it when it rings, contemplating whether or not to answer, press the ignore button or anything to bring our suffering to an end. If you need attention that badly, why not wear a sassy hat instead?
  4. Many people enjoy the use of multiple rings on their phone to indicate the type of incoming call. Fine. But do you really have to download a song to use for that purpose? And do you really have to leave your phone sitting about so it can go off incessantly without you there to intervene? I used to LIKE that song and now you’ve ruined it with your polyphonic rip-off!
  5. For the love of God show some respect to the sales people, cashiers or anybody who might be there to assist you and shut the phone off. At least put your conversation on hold for how ever long it takes to pay for your pants, latte or vodka tonic. If this requires more explanation for you then I think you should call your mother and ask how she can live with herself after unleashing such a rude, clueless clod on the world.

A little consideration goes a very long way. In fact, it’s a self-perpetuating cycle that has the potential to elevate our world. I know it will never happen, but is it really so hard just to try? Hmmmmmmmm?

Thursday, April 19th 2007

Chi Chi’s Old Stomping Grounds

Posted by Johnny

It was tax day eve and I was dancing again with Chi Chi spinning at Bolt in Minnesota. It was cute, it was Midwest and it happens to be her hometown. That colorful drag queen was voted #36 in the 50 Most Powerful Gay People in America in the latest issue of Out Magazine. You might not associate a personality such as Chi Chi’s with a place like Minnesota, but you should.

Dazzling Chi Chi

The night we arrived we had dinner with one of her best friends and his boyfriend. I have to say that it was very special and highly entertaining to listen to conversations and hear stories about this diva’s roots. I love hanging out with my dear friends’ friends, the people that have been there so long that their personalities overlap and they echo one another with the same gestures and little quirks. It’s a real honor to be able to see someone you care about in the personal light found in their inner circle.

The dinner was nice. I had walleye. It is a native fish found in the Great Lakes. When I was a kid my parents had a summer place on Catawba Island on Lake Erie. It was a large trailer complete with a kick ass boat that was docked down the dirt road at the end of the marina. We used to take the boat out to fish and sometimes we would spend the night on the water. My father would fish from this boat all day and bring home the catch, clean it and fry it in a matter of thirty minutes. I remember it like it was yesterday: A loaf of fresh Italian bread, some onion, tomato and basil salad dressed in olive oil and balsamic, a dozen ears of corn purchased from the stand down the road. That was dinner on those summer nights of my childhood and well into my early teens before my dad died and the fishing trips sadly come to an end. It’s funny how your opinion of a period of your life changes over time.

Saturday morning we all woke early for breakfast before visiting a clothing shop called Ragstocks in downtown Minneapolis. Chi Chi and her pals were so excited for me to go because “I would just die”. Well, I did not die, but I very nearly had to bust out the Kleenex! Ragstocks is an upscale thrift shop, which is just my thing. And with no sales tax on clothes in MN I went just a little crazy. I found some great scores, but my real finds were the hot, velour pullovers. These were the old school kind. You would see them paired with matching pants creating the leisure suit of the 70’s. This was the uniform of relaxation and card games that I would see my dad wearing along with all of his Italian steel worker paisans growing up. The pullovers reminded me of a special time in my life, not to mention that velour feels really good.

Self Amusing

Autograph Anyone?

The club was cute, they served Blue Moon and a local brew called Summit that tasted much like a Bass Ale; I was very happy. The only thing that could have been different was the time I had to be there, 8:30; the earliest call time I’ve ever had for a dance gig. It’s kind of embarrassing when the entertainment shows up ahead of most of the patrons, doncha think? So I sat around playing with my camera - for quite a while.

Beer Goggle

There was a “Health Fair” event at the bar that night. The officials lined the main walkway of the bar with their booths and posters depicting safe sex practices and the consequences one might encounter if those practices are not taken seriously. They also offered HIV testing, on site with results in 10 minutes. The accuracy of this test concerned me. My last test, which was a 20 min swab, was the most accurate on the market as explained to me by the technician at the hospital in West Hollywood. That aside, what a buzz kill! Yeah! Let’s go to get an HIV test, grab a pint of Summit and then head downstairs to get our results. What if somebody turned up positive? I had to wonder if there was a trained professional on hand for counseling in such a case. You go out for a brew and some dancing I think the last thing you expect is life altering news! The health people packed up their portable information city and left at 10:30.

Bolt

I did my dance, ripped my jeans on a creative, impromptu dip and was off the box by 1 AM craving the chicken fingers that were waiting for me back at the hotel room. As gigs go, this was standard issue, except for the rip. By the way, I’m a light packer - that was my only pair of jeans so luckily I had a pair of cherry print boxers to wear to the airport.

Tuesday, April 17th 2007

You’d Better Work, Bitch!

Posted by Johnny

Last week I had two scenes, two sets of stills and a photo shoot with Greg Thompson for a French magazine. PREF is an oversize, high gloss, fashion-esque magazine that I was very excited to be a part of. It was going to be a long couple of days in front of the camera doing everything from the gritty to the gorgeous.

My first scene was with Tyler Saint, a blond, blue-eyed newbie from LA and good ol’ Tyler Riggz at a resort here in Palm Springs. As I walked through the gate to the set I noticed that we were not alone. There were guests sprawled all around looking like they were waiting for the fireworks display at a fourth of July picnic. I was not in the mood for an audience. I voiced my concern to Boss Lady who promptly told me that they would remain behind the scenes out of sight or pay the $100 to view the festivities, just kidding. I mean, about the cash, Chi Chi of course said that to me in her classic snap.

Being with Mr. Riggz again (our last romp awarded us with Best Sex Scene at the 2006 GAYVNs) was a very comforting experience; it was like being with your brother - kind of. The newbie Tyler was also cool, calm and collected. We breezed through that scene and were home in what I think was record time. I can’t tell anymore, all I know is that I didn’t have to tap my foot at all during the shoot and that is a good thing.

Getting home before sunset allowed me just enough time to grab a can of tuna from my cupboards before I had to meet Greg at the Century Resort for the first portion of our shoot. I raced over there eating my tuna in the truck; it was better to keep going than to stop and allow the foe of fatigue to find me.

Greg wanted to do something truly representative of PS. A mid-century resort of the appropriate architecture with a mountain backdrop was perfect. Unfortunately we lost our sun by this time and had to settle for the lobby. The good thing about that was it allowed us to work with Greg’s signature lighting talents. This man bought the rights to “Let there be Light.” When Greg began to rub his face in an unnerving wiping motion from head to chin in tiny fits, it was clear. We were done there. The owner was kind enough to give us a room to store our costumes and equipment, allowing us to crawl directly to bed.

Although fresh as cucumber water I remained a bit delirious, and still in full makeup from the night before, as I got into my Andrew Christian skivvies. I think the pictures came out pretty good; I did not stay to find out, I had a call time of 2 PM for a scene and still needed to scrape the bronze make up from my body and get to the gym for a pre-scene pump.

This scene was with our newest edition, Blake Riley from Texas. Adorable with big browns and an ass that makes you thank God and request a copy of the mold. Again it was a record time performance, 2.5 hours from make-up chair to shower. OK?

with Blake Riley

For every movie we are required to do a set of stills. Since I had two movies - I had two sets of stills. Greg and I have this down to a silent science. I was done in 2hrs; we were on a roll. There. I was finally done. I don’t think that I have ever done so much in the way of posing and performing in such a short period of time. Not only did I have to turn on the Johnny Jam twice, two days in a row, but I had to turn it around and be the high-class glossy fashion model in a matter of seconds. Moments after I came, when all I usually want to do is eat chocolate, I had to get in full bronze body make up and work it Linda style.

Tune in soon for tales of my weekend with Chi Chi in her hometown. Now I sleep.

Skyscraper