I met Ma Hazzard in San Francisco last week. It was her first time. I thought it’d be great to finally do all the touristy things that I’d never done. In addition to Alcatraz, Fisherman’s Wharf, Muir Woods and the Castro I surprised the Mother unit with a chauffeured trip through Sonoma Valley wine country.

I arrived the day before on a Thursday morning, 3 hours late, to fierce winds and ridiculous rain. Mom however arrived the next morning to big blue skies and sunshine; I couldn’t have been happier…wait, that’s a lie, I would’ve been much happier had I known that where I booked her hotel was crack city central; no wonder it was so cheap. As we made our way up the subway escalator we noticed a man hugging a lamp post, it was only after we got close enough that I noticed he was falling out on heroin. Mom grabbed my arm and I told her not to make eye contact and stay indoors.

We had a great time touring the city and. It was especially nice to see this great city again through a fresh pair of eyes. My favorite part would have to be the tour through Sonoma… I am a huge fan of Pinots and we tasted some amazing ones, not having to worry about driving was especially fantastic. My only regret is that Mom left on the best day of the week; it was 70 degrees, sunny and filled with naked sunbathers in the Castro.

For this Moms Day I suggested that my brother and I do the cooking (we requested that she and my sisters remain on board for consulting). I made a honey mustard sauce for the grilled chicken and Carmen made his special BBQ sauce for the ribs. I also made a grilled corn, asparagus and goat cheese salad.

All went well except that I tried to save time by starting the chicken in the oven and then finishing it on the grill. This proved not be the best idea; the poultry was overcooked and even the brine couldn’t save it.

Live and Learn. Thank God for games on the deck to take our mind off the not so perfect dinner… Carmen’s ribs turned out perfectly… fucker.

Today I’m heading up to Utah for a Valentine’s event and I just couldn’t leave without saying something, ANYthing on the blog since I’ve been so negligent lately. Sometimes you just fall out of the groove, you know? I was thinking about religion last night and how religious people kind of get a bad rap from all of the fanatics, but then I realized an entry about that would be a major endeavor so another Friday the 13th blog op was missed. And of course I have fuck all to say about love, which means a Valentine entry is out of the question. Don’t even get me started on this “holiday” or I’ll never make my plane. Let me just say in shorthand, “Why do we NEED a day to do things for those we love?”

Then it hit me! I have a fun little video we made just for kicks and I can use it to overshadow the fact that I don’t want to write a fucking thing! They will love it and I can ease my guilt for being such a rotten host! You see how that works?

During Ma Hazzard’s annual visit for my birthday this year we were shown the infamous (though completely unknown to me) 2 Girls 1 Cup video so our reaction could be captured. I think the fact that we were drinking absinthe that night added to the experience. Enjoy our horror!