Living in Palm Springs has been wonderful, but for some time now I have felt that my time here is done. The courses have been dropped and all the flatware has been cleared; your time here is done, goodbye and come again. I need to be somewhere alive and stimulating; Palm Springs is where people go to get away from all of that.

So in comes the blog worthy news bite. I have been cast to play a role in the HereTV! original series “The Lair” and this is really about my first day of work.

They asked to do this over a year ago, after my win for “Best Actor” in the 2006 GAYVNS, but I had to turn it down because I was in Ohio for a month long Christmas visit followed by my fourth cross-country trip. This time I was available and more than willing to try something completely new.

Originally I was cast to play the role of Ian, a new character in name and in form, more specifically, a werewolf. I was thrilled at the opportunity and even more jazzed at the idea of getting all made up in hair and teeth.

My final audition before the CEO was on a windy, wet Thursday afternoon on Wilshire near UCLA. I had already been approved by the majority of the powers that be and this was one final “OK” needed before I could try on the fangs. I thought I did really well and they seemed to agree. I left feeling quite confident.

A little later I was sitting at the Abbey when my phone indicated a voicemail. I listened to the message and from the tone of his voice I could tell that I lost the part.

It was a sinking feeling, but fleeting because in the same breath I was told that I had been given another “more dramatic” role. Even though I was relieved I was already missing the wardrobe aspect. I wanted to be the werewolf. There were a few awkward moments seasoned with a light flavor of failure until I remembered what I learned from watching “America’s Next Top Model”: Sometimes you don’t have the look that they want. It is as simple as that and has nothing to do with ability (at least that’s what they tell you, which is nearly as good).

So now I am Tim, an assistant to the botanist, Jake Waldman with no make up, no fangs and no X-Men-esque wig.

To be honest I was a little over confident on my first day. It wasn’t the first time. Just because I have sex with strangers in front of even more strangers, contorting myself into Twister like positions all the while sharing a recipe with the make-up guy I sometimes feel like I can handle anything. I was quickly humbled to say the least. I had practiced my lines and was very good at recalling them at any time, in the truck, on the plane and even in the bathroom. I even had a couple of practice sessions with my scene partner, but when I got on set in front of those people I encountered a new kind of pressure and it landed me on my ass. I forgot a line and then everything just seemed to snowball until it got so bad that a guy from the crew had to recite my lines for me just so we could get through the scene. It was a fucking nightmare for everyone involved. Thankfully Eve Harrington was nowhere to be found.

I had a break between scenes so I reflected heavily on what I thought my problem could have been. I am pretty sure it was just because this was a new situation, one that I had never been in before and it was scary. I had not slept the night before waking up each hour with a dull nervousness that sat at the tip of my toes. It was the same brand of sleep I’d experienced before my first sex scene, my first dance gig in Philadelphia and my first runway show. I was just plain scared and all I needed to do was breathe, relax and make sure they didn’t try and find Eve Harrington after my next scene.

On my second scene of the day I nailed it and was 1000 times better. The breathing and letting myself relax into the moment was the key to my success. I am not a trained actor and I am going to make mistakes; the directors and producers knew who they hired so the mistakes on my first day were probably expected.

Here is the first photo of me on set: