Tuesday, January 30th 2007
Less To Do And More Ways To Do It
A while back I was asked to do an event at the Hybrid Café in West Hollywood funded by the Gay and Lesbian Center. The purpose of the event was to promote their new chat room for safe sex. Having somebody of my background was supposed to be the draw and also serve to facilitate the conversation and answer questions involving safe sex and my line of work.
The theme was “Johnny at Home” as they decked the place out in pillows and candles to simulate a comfortable, relaxed sexy feel. Honestly, they did a great job giving this open industrial space a cozy ambiance.
People had the option to drop into the café and chat with me there or sit at home in the comfort of their PJ’s or out of them and chat there. To help increase the foot traffic we had it on Friday at 8. This is prime time for people wandering about sniffing out the buzz. As people go they were a bit hesitant at the idea of coming inside and felt much more at ease gazing through the wall of glass that separated me from the increasing number of party goers outside. Did I mention that I was smack in the middle of the store, on the couch barefoot in a bathrobe? If that wasn’t drawing attention the only thing left would go against certain laws of public exposure for sure.
My generation has it pretty easy. We had no Stonewall Riot, no march on Washington or “gay plague”. What we do have is the power to prevent and treat HIV, more resources and safe havens across the country than ever before, we have a voice in Washington and the Madison Avenue ad machine is hungry for our dollars. Most of all, we are visible and I say this because we need to remember what so many people did for us. We can walk down Santa Monica Blvd and kiss our male friend on the lips without fear of verbal or physical assault. We must not forget the efforts of our brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers that made it possible for the likes of Will and Grace, Ellen and even Rosie O’Donnell to be part of mainstream culture.
There is still much work to be done, but I really think the hardest parts are behind us. Still, it’s important that we all try to help in any way we can. If you’re a big name porn star you can donate an expensive public appearance to help spread the word about HIV prevention. If not, you can volunteer or contribute to causes that help the community. Whatever you do, do it for those that accomplished so much at such a high price to make our little gay world a better place.
Johnny, I would like to thank you personally for taking time out of your busy schedule and lending it towards such a worthy cause. There are still many people out there that desperately need to hear messages pertaining to safer sex practices and you reached out to many of these individuals. Hopefully in the not so distant future STD’s will be reduced to folklore.
On another note, I wish I shared your outlook on the world. Although things have gotten better for gay and lesbians within this country I don’t think I have it pretty easy. For instance: If I kissed a man or held his hand in public verbal harassment would be getting off lightly. Physical assault and even my death would be more likely outcomes. Unfortunately, this same reality probably holds true regardless of whether one resides in an urban center of the countryside. This is a prime reason why gays and lesbians need to be protected by federal hate crimes laws. We also should be protected from employment and housing discrimination. However, I doubt I will see this kind of equality in my lifetime. At best it will be a case of too little too late.
Hang in there, Robert. I’m aware things may be looking bleak and lonely on your side for now, but hopefully you won’t be lost in Tennessee all your life. Even if they are still small enclaves, and you wouldn’t necessarily want to send your whole life there, there are still places in your country and others where you can hold hands in the street and kiss your boyfriend in broad daylight with no reaction other than benevolent smiles at the happy couple.
Small enclaves, as I said. But they’re bound to get bigger as our visibility increases and people start to accept that the sight of two men kissing won’t lead them to develop cancer or cataracts.
You may think I’ve got it easy, speaking from a Parisian enclave. But hardly more than 15 years ago, my first “serious” boyfriend and I would get publicly affectionate like people in love feel entitled to do and we would get dirty looks at best; catcalls, finger signs (which we would swiftly sign back)… and sometimes we’d get cheers or even applause.
We didn’t do it to get the attention. We did it to get past the attention. We figured the reactions would cease once people got used to such a sight – and if it took another 10 years, it was way overdue. Today gay couples in love are admitted part of the scenery. Granted, you would think twice before trying this in some districts, but overall the tolerance level is fine.
My point is, visibility is something that was born in ghettos but grew to reach beyond its borders – and keeps on growing. And visibility eventually breeds tolerance (which is why some people are deathly afraid their children won’t get the homophobia that has been a tradition in their family for generations.) Things will change even in your lifetime more than you can expect. Sometimes it only takes a few shocks to the system for a little collective wisdom to settle in.
Finally, there still is a generation for whom all this might be indeed a case of too little too late, but not yours. A friend and I once met in a bar a man in his 80s or so who told us about growing up gay in between the two World Wars and after. It was very moving and humbling to listen to this man who had to spend half his lifetime feeling like a sub-par citizen, or even a downright outlaw for so many of the things that we, even you Robert, take today for granted.
This generation is slowly dying out having hardly received any aknowledgment of their suffering – whether from their government or from a community mostly focused on youth and other things “not so 5 minutes ago”. Yet it is their struggles, and sometimes their martyrdom, that got us where we are today.
I have to say that I admire your out-look on the world. Not that many people bother to look to the struggles that came before. The differences they made and levels of equality they strove for are certainly felt in a number of the larger cities here in Canada.
And I have to say thank you, as well. For taking the time out of your schedule and participating in such a worthy – if unfortunately necessary – cause. A lot of people don’t seem to realize just how necessary and frighteningly real safe-sex practices are needed. Because it’s not just the person who contracted HIV or the STD that suffer, but their partners, friends, and family as well.
So, thank you.
Well said Johnny. This is one of the few blogs I visit often. Both for the pictures and the content.
ps. still looking forward to buying some of your t-shirts
J Luis
Thank you so much Frog for a wonderful comment. Change starts on a small scale with one person. Robert, I feel for you, I do but as the Frog said hopefully you will not be “lost” 4 ever. And although you may not have it as good as the boyz in West Hollywood you have it better than our brothers in Palestine.
Luis….it’s cummin man, it’s cummin.
You are going to be my first sale although yours is free!
Frog, I would like to thank you for your kind words. Getting out of Tennessee is high on the priority list. However, my state would not be so bad if it was not bursting at the seams with Bible thumping rednecks. Yet, there are certainly some nicer areas within Tennessee. For instance: Nashville is a pocket of blue in an otherwise beet red state. On another note, I am hoping Hawaii is in my future.
Johnny, I would like to thank you as well. The attitudes in West Hollywood are undoubtedly superior to the Tennessee countryside. Yet, I don’t know if I am “West Hollywood material”. I am a country boy at heart so open spaces set me free. Wherein lies the conflict; finding a progressive small town to call home. My internal compass seems to be steering me towards Kauai.
Ah yes… We were suppose to meet up at FUBAR that nite… New Castle was to be chilled, opened and waiting for you.. Alas, you were not there when I got there (which was roughly 11:30 p.m.). I passed by Eye Candy as well.. No luck.. I guess I will have to place a rain check on.. uh.. beer. >=)