Friday, July 31st 2009

It had been about two months since my last Pilates class after all of the traveling and moving. I was really beginning to feel it so I made a point to attend the 6:30 yoga class at my gym. I was one of three guys there and when the instructor asked if we were in the mood to relax and flow or work I shot up from my child’s pose and politely demanded that we work; luckily that was the consensus, or at least seemed to be.

After the class began the usual stragglers made their way around the dimly lit room and joined the group. I usually find the start of these classes to be a little unsettling because I am ready to start doing some crazy poses and the instructor wants to warm us up with breath work and smooth salutations. I tend to be, in these situations, one or two steps ahead of everybody and am in down dog when they are still on their feet. This usually is my indication that it may be a good idea to slow down and follow the rules. I wish that everybody felt this way, but they don’t as the frizzy haired, rotten smelling, inconsiderate chump next to me so incredibly demonstrated.

He came in late, of course, and set up camp next to me, but he didn’t just set up next to me. He was so close that when we both extended our arms, we overlapped. Aside from just being rude, it’s also against the rules of yoga. It wasn’t as if this twit were coming to his first class because the look of his mat and bag indicated that he had been to this rodeo before many times. He made no move to correct his positioning which left me to readjust mine. In with light and love and out with dumb fucks.

By mid-class we were on some pretty intense stuff. While we all were in plank, this dipstick was on his feet doing something that I have never seen before. OK, not only is this rude, but it’s incredibly distracting for the actual participants. I understand that some poses may be too difficult for some, but if you can’t do something you are supposed to just lie there, quietly and wait until something comes up that you CAN do. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my practice. “Why are you here?” I felt like asking. Instead I tried to extend my left leg out while standing upright. In with light and love and out with idiots.

As you might know, yoga poses require deep attention to breath and one has to exhale and inhale deeply to achieve the proper result. Of course, my neighbor didn’t just exhale like the other 10 people in the class, he had to expel his breath like a TB patient. Then while we were on the floor, gazing to the right, he was looking left, at me, with his Fraggle Rock mop on his head and the stench of rotten peet moss wafting in my direction. If the class wasn’t over at that point I would’ve left anyway. As everybody was still in final pose, beginning to utter the final “Namaste” I was half way through rolling up my mat and shoving it into my patchwork bag.

I bypassed the pleasantries, which I sort of regret now, and walked out into the most beautiful light I have yet seen. I’m telling you the light in Palm Springs is like no other and sometimes on the right hill, like last night, it looks as if Mr. Bob Ross himself were just here. It was at that point that I forgot what it was that I was walking away from so fast. In with light and love and out with it all.

This entry was posted by Johnny on Friday, July 31st, 2009 at 11:27 AM and is filed under Pet Peeves. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

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