Tuesday, September 18th 2007
Johnny Rotten
This is one of those stories that sounds so much better coming from my mom. When reminded of this story, she rolls her head back and says with great enthusiasm, “You were so rotten that morning, I could have…” made me a pancake mom? She was so not looking to make me breakfast.
Those of you from my generation will remember the birth and success of Star Wars and the Pound Puppy craze. Well that year I wanted nothing more than the Ewok Village play set. I remember going to Randall Park Mall in Cleveland and having to wait in the line with the other kids and their parents for the chance to request that number one toy that would make my year. The line and the surrounding area were coated with too much glitter and cotton webbing. I remember smelling the combination of Sanka, Enjoli and popcorn.
I don’t know if I told that sad, fat alcoholic that had the cotton webbing on his face that I really wanted the Ewok Village. I must have. Either way you look at it, the stupid drunk got the orders mixed up and he gave that god damned village to my brother. I remember being quite shocked that it was Carmen’s name that was written on the tag that stuck to the “Ho- Ho- Ho” wrapped box that contained my coveted Ewok Village. After witnessing the travesty and cursing the obese red nosed liar I unwrapped the rest of my gifts with great discontent.
I’m sure that Carmen let me play with his prize that morning and I’m sure that some time soon thereafter I dismembered the Ewoks and set the village ablaze in retaliation. I was sort of wicked like that way back when. I am so different now. I would have sold the village and its inhabitants on Ebay.
;)
OMG, how fucking cute is that rotten little bastard!?
See, I knew there was more to that Cain & Abel story than the original book let on.
And Johnny, if you thought that poor slob was a lush, you should have seen his buddy Rudolph’s nose.
(BTW, that rotten little bastard was fucking cute indeed. No wonder he grew up to be a cute fucking bastard.)
Multi-colored Christmas lights: $12
Decorative plastic Santa lawn ornament: $20 Incredible Hulk pajamas: $15
Setting your brother’s Ewok Village Action Playset on fire in a fit of jealous rage: Priceless.
Thanks for sharing this “Holidays On Ice” Christmas memory. Also, loved the link to the commercial for Enjoli. There’s nothing more glamorous than a pretty lady in a purple satin evening gown singing about frying bacon up in a pan.
You’ve gone from Incredible Hulk to incredible hunk! GREAT childhood story. I didn’t have brothers, but I had 3 sisters. One year I set their barbies on fire. Thinking back, it was probably an act of latent jealousy on my part. But at the time they were simply GI Joe’s latest casualties. (”My GI Joe was a fucking psycho” he said, laying on the psychiatrist’s couch)
In all fairness, Genor, Barbies do burn really well and their heads just beg to be severed!
How comforting to know that most all children have their “disappointed on Christmas morning story.” Mine involved both my older brothers getting new bikes. That was over 30 years ago — and I’m still ticked!
Scene: Christmas morning, circa 1976.
RITA: What? They come with a saddle?? What’s all the fuss about bikes about then?
The sad thing is that I would probably still be excited at getting that for this Xmas coming lol Although I probably would dismember it too. I despise the Ewoks – little annoying rodents.
But then I’m a big geek like that – says me with my recent tight R2-D2 & Darth Vadar t-shirt acquisitions. R2-D2 has helped me get a few boys too, I love him so much
When I was born, my brother had already gotten the Ewok Village for Christmas. Or perhaps it was shortly after my birth. Anyways, as long as I remember, he had that set.
And always, always I wanted to play with it. It was the perfect size for our Star Wars toys, for our G.I. Joes too (I frequently played with the two together). My brother would lend me all of his GI Joes and all his Star Wars toys excepting, of course, that village. I wanted it so badly. When he would leave the house to go to his friends houses, I would sneak in his room and play with it.
I still hate him for not lending me the Ewok Village. (Except not really, we actually have started getting along recently, go figure.
)
Anyways, Johnny, I just wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel. I was jealous over my brother getting the exact same toy. (He always got the good ones. The only year I got the better toy, I’d spent six months saving up money and paid for half of it myself — for my Christmas gift!)
No wonder Carmen was so intent the time we tried to make gun powder. Hmmmm… of course it was my father’s army men we blew up that night….we were all such pyromaniacs!