Monday, July 31st 2006
The Thrill Of The Hunt
The last three days were probably the most perfect summer days this season. Unfortunately, it is nearly August and half the summer is now a wet memory. I started this day like most others; with a cup of steamed broccoli and a protein shake before going to the gym. I saw Saya, my dear friend and co worker, there. She is the one with the parents who have the picture perfect house on a pristine lake in New Hampshire. We bump into each other there at that time pretty regularly.
A while back, same place same time, I was working with my trainer when I spotted this guy I had seen years ago when I lived here. Surprisingly he was still looking pretty good. He was jumping rope when I caught him from the back side and well, let’s say he got my attention. I meant to approach him, but he escaped before I had the chance. I returned pretty much every day after that at the same time hoping to catch him and it never happened.
I asked Saya if by chance she knew this guy and whaddya know, she did! She said he was the old roommate of a friend of ours who had moved to NYC. We called our friend immediately to get the goods. He was waiting for a client to arrive and we could only get they guy’s name and job before we were hung up on. His name is Phillip. Armed with this new information I returned to the gym promptly at 10:30 every day thereafter hoping to catch a glimpse.
As the days wore on with no Phil, I began to lose hope and interest. Then today I ran into Saya, same time and place, with that fine piece of man catching my attention and getting me all excited running on the treadmill 15 feet away. I asked Saya if that was him; I had enrolled her in my search, scouting the gym out when I was not there hoping to relay a sighting back to home base. She confirmed my excitement and told me to go introduce myself.
Approaching somebody at the gym is a sensitive subject. One, you do not want to interrupt somebody when they are in full stride, two, what am I going to say to this guy now that he has stopped running 15 mins into his jog and plummeted his heart rate way below the optimum BPM? “Hi. You’re hot. Great ass. I’m Johnny, wanna hang out sometime?” If I were Phil, I would deduct serious points for bad timing and poor gym etiquette. I told Saya that she would have to keep an eye on him since she was doing cardio in the same room.
“If he leaves stop him and come get me.”
“What?” she says “What am I supposed to do if he leaves?”
“Stop him, kick him in the back of the knee, wrestle him to the ground. Be creative, I don’t care. That man is not leaving until I meet him. Tell him that there is somebody who is dying to meet him. That will spark his interest long enough for you to come fetch me, please do this for me!” I begged.
“OK” she replied and I walked back to the mats excited at the prospect of meeting Phillip.
It wasn’t long before I saw Saya scurry past me and I knew she was on her mission. I was doing push ups in the corner so there was no way she would see me. When she ran past me again, I caught her mid way.
“I saw him go into the locker room.”
“Gr88888888888888888888888t” I said. This is the second worst way to meet somebody, when they are naked; it is a really uncomfortable situation. Oh well, this was not getting in my way. Luckily and unfortunately he was not naked. I looked at him and asked ”You’re Phillip, right?” after he looked a little puzzled I told him about our common friend and began to charm the pants off him so to speak.
After some small chat I gave him my number. I do not try to get their number. I figure if I’m the one who stalked them it’s only fair to allow them the freedom to decide whether or not to call. I established my interest so the rest is up to him.
I returned to my workout with new exhilaration and drive. Even if he does not call, just finding him and doing all I could in the situation is enough to satisfy me. Although, a date and a look at him in the buff after a shared bottle of a slightly chilled Julienas wouldn’t be so bad either! Woof!
Congratulations, you were Machiavellian, but subtle “like a fox that preys on a rabbit…” Ever heard Massive Attack & Tracey Thorn’s version of The Hunter Gets Captured By The Game? I have a feeling you’d love it.
And, ahem, not to piss you off or anything, but since we’re on the subject of ‘Machiavellian and subtle”… At which point do you intend to casually mention that the blueprint of his seduction is posted on your site?
That whole scheme with you and Saya was giving me Boris and Natasha from “Rocky And Bullwinkle.”
Angel, that was brilliant! Now I want to see some Fractured Fairy Tales. I should add that I find it refreshing that Johnny gets excited about men and gets all nervous about talking with them. Hello?
Boy Wonder, you’re quite the Machiavellian yourself
(you know what I mean. Thanks.)
Well Frog. I do not know if Phillip knows who I am or anything about the site. It’s the risk I take these days, besides it’s a total compliment; if he doesn’t think so, well I could do better.
Good answer I guess. And of course, it weeds out those without a sense of humor.
Isn’t it refreshing that not everyone you’re interested in automatically knows who you are and that you do still have to work for dates sometimes? Let us know if he calls. Happy hunting!
Thank you! I know it must be a relief for Johnny. Also I think it’s good for fans to know that Johnny also has to work for it sometimes even though he’s gorgeous, adorable and perfect. Whoops! Did I say that?
I also wanted to add that there’s nothing wrong in Johnny’s actions. He didn’t threaten people or poison the competition to get what he wanted. If Phillip reads this I suspect he would be terribly flattered. At least he’d better be! It isn’t every day that Johnny goes a huntin’!
I’d like to clarify something. I too find it extremely flattering (wouldn’t we all?) I just pictured Johnny acting all cool and laid-back… and probably hyperventilating inside, with the sound of machinery wheels still echoing in the distance. Of course I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, quite the contrary.(*) You know when you want to convey empathy and approval and encouragement but you try to be funny on top of it and it all comes out the wrong way? I do sometimes
(*) Auntie Denise claims that’s how her second removed cousin Halpert got the Princess to kiss him but she’s always boasting about that side of the family anyway.
Johnny BW – don’t leave me this way!! I arrived late, I know, but it is not fair letting the thrill freeze my blood in the suspence of what might ever happened between Philip and Johnny! It is important even if nothing happened indeed, but at least this story has a (temporary?) conclusion.
Any news after almost one year??
)