After a very social evening and an indulgent ending at In N’ Out burger I woke up this morning hoping to round it all out with a trip to the Farmer’s Market in West Hollywood.

The avocados are beautiful, even though they take 10 days to ripen, they are well worth it.

There is an entire booth devoted to mushrooms, one for sprouts, one for nuts and seeds another one for artisan bread, a fish cart.There is something about purchasing my food from those that grow it that puts me in a great, grateful mood. I was going to buy some halibut, but decided to consult my recipe book and plan for it next week. Any suggestions?

A few Thursdays back the Pilgrim Monument here in P’town turned 100. It is the largest free-standing, granite structure in the U.S. and it is P’town’s claim to fame… among other things.

I knew there would be fireworks, but thought that by turning the radio on high and the AC on loud it would smother the noise for PD. At 9:30 I was serving one of my last tables and had a feeling that I should go home quickly and check on the dog. I was 3 minutes away by bike and my boss was kind enough to let me go.

As you might have imagined PD was gone. He had managed to flip his crate upside down and separate the walls to escape and push open the back door (by the grace of God I did choose to lock it, otherwise there would have been extensive damage done to the apt before he finally managed to get out, which he would have).

I returned to work only to say that I had to go and search for the dog. The town was packed; I have never seen so many people and I knew that the increase in population would only serve as a terrible obstacle. I asked anybody who was standing outside if they had seen a white dog run by. A couple of people said they had seen a “wild dog” tear through there about 20 minutes before. Shit. I knew what state he was in and the direction he was heading toward was bad. I got into my truck to look for a body on the side of the road… I gave up realizing that I had to go home and wait. PD has tags and angels so I was comforted in trusting that would take care of him.

At 3AM I got a phone call asking me if I was the owner of a dog named PD. 10 minutes later he arrived in the back of a Honda with some hippie dudes who were brave and kind enough to pick him up. He was filthy, scared and covered with scratches. I bathed him, welcomed him home and we went to bed. It was the next morning during our walk that I noticed a limp… upon further investigation I could see that the pads beneath his paws were worn down with chunks cut out of the larger portion of the pad.

My vet got us in and bandaged 3 of PD’s paws. I was instructed to keep them really dry and was given IV bags to keep the paws protected. That so did not last. After a weekend of the bandages and that dreadful collar they came off. For one day I had to keep them covered yet still allow air to get to them. This was a challenge as a simple sock was not doing the trick. After some drainstorming and creative flow I designed a garter belt looking thing that attracted much attention and questions from passers by; for the entire day we took back roads and avoided eye contact with anybody… PD of course I feel felt the sympathy and opted to cash in on it any chance he got. At the end of the day… I’m glad he was found and the shit makes for a good story.

Many of you may have wondered once or twice in the past year why so very little pornesque material has been featured here on Hazzard Ahead. Well, there hasn’t been much to report and I’ve sort of been over it all to be perfectly honest. So when the nice guys at AEBN approached me about having an affiliate theater created I thought it would be a great way to get my porn on without having to do, well, anything.

Imagine my surprise when they presented this to me with absolutely no input or advice from me:

I think everyone will agree that no service compares with AEBN for the true porn addict! And we all know that what an addict likes has to be the best. I couldn’t agree more. So if you’re in the mood check out my latest porn portal and let me know what you think.

Before I begin this tale I’d like to introduce my co-pilot, navigator, communications manager and photographer, Scott. Scott was nice enough to accompany PD and me on our little jaunt. He was also been along on my last trip cross country in 2007 that ended in destruction when Milo was broken into and my ENTIRE music and DVD collection was taken and sold on the black market of the Mission in SF…. I’m still not over it. Can you tell?

With Scott’s superior ability to read and use maps, his state of the art Mac book, his various publications on popular and obscure points in the US and the blessing of portable WiFi we were two steps ahead of ourselves and knew everything we would need and want to know about all of our planned sites.

At a couple of points Scott’s office would begin to ooze over to my side and on two occasions moved the gear shift into a Neutral posistion… on the Interstate… while we were moving; a small price to pay for advanced communication and professional documentation.

The drive through Vail and Breckenridge was the worst of the entire trip. It was stunning and quite difficult. We experienced sleet, snow, rain and extreme fog which made me mad that I didn’t get the right windshield wiper replaced nor did I apply Rain-X to the windshield. Bummer. An old friend from high school that I hadn’t seen in 10 years lives about 10 minutes from where I write this entry. I’m so stoked to see her and a little nervous. Till then…

About a month ago I noticed that my front left tooth, which is a cap, had a crack in it and began to discolor on the top. Since this little fucker cost a pretty penny my dentist said it would be replaced at no charge. Phew. I thought since we had done this before that he would have the dimensions necessary to order a new one and that that would be that.

Due to a misunderstanding on my part and a lack of communication on the dentist’s part, I was given a temporary 2 days before I was to leave for the east coast. It turns out that they need to take an impression and order a new one. He explained that when the tooth came to his office in Palm Springs he would send it to wherever I ended up and we would take care of it. Easy enough right?

I made it across the country with no problems at all until I arrived home in Ohio. I asked Mom to have everybody over to celebrate my arrival. Two hours and 2 six packs into the evening the tooth fell out when I bit down on a pizza crust. I had bought some dental fixative but in my state of happiness I knew it would be stupid so I decided to leave it off. It supplied everybody with much ammunition for jokes and kept us all laughing all night long.

The next day after looking at it I became strangely attracted to it. I thought it was very hot hillbilly and decided to keep it (much to Aimie’s dismay) until my replacement arrived. I really got a kick out of watching peoples faces as they realize that I had no tooth.

Rest assured that all is back to normal and I have all my toofs!