I packed up the last box at 12:30 this afternoon, did the dishes and it was then, when everything had been completed,and it was time to say goodbye to Mike, that the emotional raincloud that had been hovering above me for the past few days opened up. I cried when I said goodbye to Mike and cried a little driving out of PS. The sadness was soon overtaken by extreme excitement at driving cross country and making a stop in Cleveland to see Mom and some old school chums. I am so stoked to be in Boston again and having my little beach house in P’town. It’s going to be a great summer.

We have a gathering at a local gin joint tonight. It’s called Cocktails With The Stars over at Micky’s. Local celeb Jason Seacrest hosts the show while Chi Chi provides the soundtrack. The evening consists of one or two porn stars being interviewed by Jason followed by a small meet and greet thing with free porn raffled out. I was there with Luca Dicorso and newbie Cole Ryder. Boy Wonder stopped by as well as some dear old friends of mine from years past who live in Studio City now. It was free beer, good people and mozzarella sticks. I am off to San Fran at the crack of dawn tomorrow. Then it’s a little decompression and luxury before my cross country trek.

Raging Stallion has scheduled a scene with François and some other dudes to be shot today. Last night we had to relocate our sleeping quaters to allow room for a new import. We slept in F’s twin bed. Yup, a twin bed. I think we managed quite well to be honest. At one point I woke up because my right side had fallen asleep and I found myself staring right at his handsome mug. I have never been a fan of the “watching him sleep thing” but MAN! He has this curve to his lips right under his nose and a dimple in the chin that just beckons for glares. I stayed up an extra minute and lost all feeling in the right side of my body. Well worth it b/c when I finally threw my shoulder over he woke up slightly and turned over!

As I kissed him goodbye, he said that he would call me later. I had a feeling his scene was going to carry him way into the night. I do not know Raging Stallion and their shooting styles, but I know porn. Any scene involving 3 or more guys is a crap shoot as far as time is concerned. I didn’t have the desire to say goodbye to him. I was totally comfortable living in denial till tomorow morning when I leave. I hate drawn out goodbyes; especially when that goodbye means being separated by an ocean. I am not good at goodbyes. They are always “see you laters”.

It was cold when I returned home and I spent the afternoon doing laundry, getting stoned and finishing the Ben and Jerry’s N.Y. SuperFudge in Kevin’s fridge. All done to the stylings of season 5 of Six Feet Under. Kevin suggested visiting our neighborhood bar, Moby’s, for a game of pool with the boys over some drafts. The bartender, John, who was just getting off, was unbelievably gracious and bought all of my Red Hooks. He would have bought the rounds for the crew, but my frinds are in the middle of training. They have signed up for a Triathalon involving a swim from Alcatraz! Well, I was not training and told John to keep the pint glass full!

I enjoy pool. I enjoy beer. The two shall not mix. That was my lesson today. At 9:30 on a Thursday the last thing you want to be doing is sloshing your way around a pool table. At one point I gave Kevin my cue stick and surrendered. It was for the better of everyone’s evening. After an obligatory slice of pizza from Marcello’s (The Best!) it was off to bed. I drifted off to sleep a little drunk and very blue.

Yesterday I dropped mom at LAX for her red eye back home. The entire day I saw that she was keeping something back. Tears. Sadness. It broke my heart really, I was so sad to have to end what was such a great time for her. I could’ve honestly had her here for an additional week. Easy. But she had to go back. It was suprisingly painful for me that I actually cried most the way down La Cienega. I told her to call me when she got to the gate. I really meant it and felt so relieved to hear from her once she was there. Had this been the way she had felt when I left for my first day of kindergarten?

So tonight is the big night. The 2006 GAYVN Awards. I’m up for 5, including: “Best Actor”, “Best Performer”, “Best Solo Scene”, “Best Sex Scene”, and something else obviously not of much interest to me. The movie itself carries 12. To tell you the truth, I am a bit nervous. Not only for me, but for my company. This was such a monumental group effort. We all worked very hard to make this happen. Some had to work “harder” than others. Oh come on! You didn’t think I was going to let that pass did you? Last night and the better part of this morning were spent finishing the blazer I designed special for the event(s). Funny, I knew this was happening last year yet I still waited until 2 days before the party to start my project. I guess that keeps it fresh.