Tuesday, June 19th 2007
Roman Pen
When I started working in porn it never occurred to me that I would have to come up with a porn name. My work isn’t that type of work so I just figured I would use my real name. It’s not like I’m running for office any time soon and it shouldn’t matter anyway. So yesterday Chris Steele was putting the credits together for a new movie and found no alias for me on the cast sheet. He called my office and asked me for my porn name as if he were double checking that I wanted extra mayo on my sandwich for lunch.
I take these things very seriously. The last thing I want is some lame moniker following me around forever. When I paused, Chris became slightly annoyed and told me I had five minutes to come up with a porn name. I did what any sensible person would do in a crisis situation like that – I dialed up an anagram generator site! You can’t trust those porn name generators for anything more than a drunken giggle. And when you work in my trade you develop a high tolerance for smut-oriented humor.
In a pinch I always find my work under pressure is nothing short of brilliant. In just a few minutes I had run enough letter combinations to come up with something humorous enough not to draw ridicule, but still cool enough to glisten with a little dignity and even conjure similar tones of my real name.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Lord Jello Rod!
;)
circa 2001
;)
Last Week
Is ‘cool and fruity’ really the analogy you want to draw…oh, wait.
BW … you are so out of hand! Now you have to come up with a new logo!
I didn’t know there was dignity in Jello but I’m glad to hear it as I’m supposed to make a Trifle tonight for my ex and his bf. (And if anyone has any advice on the recipe, it will be mucho appreciated. TIA.)
It’s a pity Chris Steele didn’t give you more than 5 minutes to come up wth your nom de porn. Not that there’s anything wrong with the very dignified Jello Rod, but we could have had a contest here. My entry: Stubb Tousle.
Frog – Me thinks the word “stubb” conjures the wrong sort of image. Perhaps Slabb Tousle? I did consider Amuse Bouche, but that seemed too well known.
Lord Jello Rod? Oooh, BW, you sound so regal and important! I love it!!!
If only it were true!
A muse Bush? Surely you mean Kate?
I’m surprised you didn’t go for Anheuser Busch.
I could go for Anheuser Busch.
….someone had to say it, I just thought I’d beat everyone to the punch.
Why does one have to have a porn name???? I always want to know the real name.
That’s a good question. As I mentioned in the entry, I didn’t think I had to come up with a porn name and the truth is I didn’t. It’s just fun!
Sounds like a kinky sex toy.
Oh Marastar, It’s so good to hear from you again! And you’re right – it IS a kinky sex toy!
In the right hands anyway…
I’ve had a ride on your rod and thought it was pretty good.
Pretty good, huh? Judging from the photos we took it was better than that!
I didn’t realize there were hidden cameras at the Ranch.
There aren’t. Those cameras are all out in the open, but I was talking about my place. Perhaps I have you confused with someone that had more than a pretty good time on my rod.
Yes, you must be confusing me with someone else. Your rod is a big attraction. Sort of like the roller coaster at the Santa Monica Pier.
LOVE IN THE ICE AGE
An Online Romance of Modern Times
Jerrod: “Hello my name is Boy Wonder but these days I prefer Jello Rod.”
Marastar: “Are you a boy, a toy or a boy toy?”
Intrepid: “Hey Rod, remember me? We had sex back when I was ‘Tippi Heddren’.”
Jerrod: “Sure I remember. Are you ‘Tippi@hotmail’ or ‘Tippi@yahoo’?”
Intrepid: “Neither
”
Jerrod: “Oops. When did we cyberfuck?”
Intrepid: “We didn’t. It was the real thing.”
Jerrod: “You mean like what our parents did for procreation? I don’t go for that old-fashioned stuff.”
Intrepid: “Oh.”
Jerrod: “Germs, you know.”
Joe: “Could anyone explain what the fuck you guys are talking about?”
THE END
Intrepid – I can’t believe you forgot about the photos!
Frog – I love it when you play Bette to my Marilyn.
NOTE: The Ranch is a notorious party destination inhabited by my best friend, her boyfriend and his ex-lover who is also my ex-lover. Oh, and their six-year-old daughter.
Is the Ranch still in operation?
It’s matured. Now instead of hot tub orgies they play cards on game night. Club outings have been replaced by pre-teen dance recitals on Saturday afternoon. Let’s face it – we’re old.
Okay… Female best friend (fbb) + best friend’s boyfriend (bfb) + fbb’s bfb’s ex = BW (fbb’s bf)’s ex + 6 y.o. = fbb’s + bfb’s or fbb’s + fbb’s bfb’s ex (=BW’s ex)? “Do the math” they say… I think I’ll just play Bette to your Marilyn: BW = the original good time that was had by all.
BTW, a good friend recently complained about my bitchy side. I pointed out that he didn’t mind paying to see Bette Davis play the bitch and he should be grateful to have me doing it for free.
PS: I’d love to cyberkiss you but I’ve just washed my hair.
Frog – You give so much and ask for so little! I feel your pain. I’ve been feeling particularly “see you next Tuesday” -ish lately. People should be grateful that our misery translates into entertainment. Otherwise we’d just be picking them off with lethal blow darts!
Believe it or not, I never see someone who could be more hilarious than Frog.
BTW, when Intrepid said roller coaster, it reminded me of a movie called FINAL DESTINATION 3. After watching that one, I couldn’t imagine that feeling relate to some sex thing… it must be thrilling and… asphyxiant……..
Joe, wait till you see the sequel: I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER BECAUSE WE DID IT TOGETHER AND I TOOK PICTURES, starring Jello Rod and the Best Fucking Friends Company.
Actually, it was during the winter.