Last Saturday I went to Morgantown, WV to perform at the Military Ball in a club called Vice Versa. What a cute name for a bar! This was my second visit to the venue. The first time was four years back when I was a wee porn pup. I was pleasantly surprised with the atmosphere. The crowd was so young that I was a little alarmed at first, but I found that the crowd was completely unaffected by the gay bar scene and were just there to have fun and have fun they did!! I loved their energy and their disinterest in posing, having an attitude or wearing their sunglasses indoors. It was a most agreeable change of pace for me.

Two of the resident drag queens went on before me. Jezebel and Seduca, two of the Midwest’s finest, and let me tell you those girls could move. Jezzie did a cover of Tina Turner’s “Proud Mary” and from that I could see why she was in demand. Fiery Seduca tore it up with “Toy Soldier” moving those feet in an effortless swing that made me smile and cheer. I always seem to like the girls that can really dance as well as lip sync a tune and those two did not disappoint.

Next destination….Las Vegas - with a surprise guest!

This video took longer to make than Cleopatra and feels almost as long. Still, I couldn’t bear to wait a minute longer so for all my fellow Ab Fab freaks out there: This is for you!

The day after my Thanksgiving in Hell I quit that ridiculous job and said goodbye to the pompous owner, to boring and fruitless evening shifts and to two of my new friends Camille and Chris. It was no victory for me. Whatever mild relief I may have felt by ditching the bad restaurant gig was quickly overshadowed by the familiar question, “What next, man?”

My holidays had already been scrapped to make way for a dizzying season in high-end food service. It was too late to go home because I could not find a sitter for Petey and I was not about to leave him alone with some strange person in my house. It was not so much the person I was concerned with as much as it was Petey himself; Petey has issues and believe me it will make for a great story some other time, but for now and the sake of my point I was stranded in Palm Springs for Xmas.

I did not mind being with Petey, I love that dog, I minded not being at home. That really was the worst part; this would be my first Xmas EVER that I did not wake up with my family and it was really making me miserable. Bah Humbug was starting to be my theme and response to anything festive and holiday oriented.

My sister called to ask what she should get my Mom for her birthday, which is the 2ndof January. I told her that perhaps I should come home and surprise her. We agreed that that would be the best idea since Xmas had really upset her. I told ma that I had to work New Year’s Day and I would not be able to make it home. Unfortunately the quality of the surprise was increased dramatically the more depressed she became.

I employed my brother and family to tape the event and keep ma occupied so I could get in the house quietly and surprise the hell out of her. Much to my dismay she was not feeling well when I came home and looked as if she had bet hit with a rhino tranq. She looked at me through a haze, but in a second it registered and well you can see the rest.

My last meal of 2007 was shrimp tempura and it was amazing, but it was my second to last meal of 2007 that deserves mention.

Having missed every blessed holiday of the season due to a job that ended up in the crapper I thought it only fair to surprise Ma Hazzard on her birthday. This meant an ungodly early flight out of LAX on January 1. Thankfully, my webmaster lives in close proximity to the airport and had no conflicting plans to prevent me from crashing at his place and begging a lift.

Boy Wonder suggested we visit a spot he found called “Raw” in Santa Monica. It’s not sushi, but raw cuisine, living foods that are not cooked above a certain temperature and are considered “alive”. I was torn. I had “living food” once before in San Francisco and it did not agree with me or anybody in my party. I suspect it was the coconut soup. I did enjoy the rest of the lunch though and figured what the hell, I will try it again this time avoiding coconut milk or anything that billed itself as a living soup.

The menu was sent to me via e-mail by Boy Wonder due to the extensive list of items. It was a thoughtful and efficient idea, but I wish he had not because we waited for ages to be noticed at our table and I would have liked to have spent that time looking at the menu instead of wondering where the hell our server was. I had to get up twice before we got our first course. This food had better sing and dance because I was hungry and getting annoyed. In my opinion, being a high standing member of the service industry, the first couple of minutes before you approach a table are very important. Chances are the guests are hungry and a minute or 30 seconds to you can and does usually seem like an eternity.

Eventually she came around and we began our experience of the living dinner.

The menu is set up in a suggested order of courses; one of the ideas behind this sort of thing is to eat things in an order that maximizes efficient digestion. This meant dessert first!

First course, THE ORGAZMATRON, a rustic parfait of sorts with a buckwheat crust and creamy avocado finished with nuts, ginger and mint. We were in heaven. Amidst the exhaust fumes of passing vehicles and a seemingly endless onslaught of construction noise there was a party going on in our mouths - and everybody was invited. The Orgazmatron truly lived up to its name!

I had THE SEA WITCH for my mid course and Boy Wonder had the MAKI S&M SPECIAL. I said I was going to avoid living soups, but I love seaweed soup and I saw no mention of coconut milk or anything else ominous. The MAKI S&M SPECIAL was an interesting take on sushi with a Pumpkin Seaweed Walnut Pâté rolled with Avocado, Cucumber, Purple Cabbage & Tomatoes served with a spicy mustard & Nama Shoyu.

My soup was perfect, warm and loaded with ten varieties of seaweed. Meanwhile the “sushi” was really something; the thought and energy that goes into a production like that is worthy of high praise and hard not to enjoy.

We finished with what we thought to be the most intriguing items, the PESTO PIZZA, a deep dish warm “pizza” and a BACON WESTERN DOUBLE “cheeseburger”. The pizza was made with a buckwheat crust topped with a walnut pesto, tomato, Italian herbs, olives, marinated onions & mushrooms. That was mine and let me tell you it was amazing.

Boy Wonder’s “burger”, a Mushroom Nut Burger with Macadamia “Chez”, heirloom ketchup, Fig Mustard and Zucchini fries was arranged open faced and we ate it in pieces with this on that and that on this. So good, the “cheese” was nothing short of a culinary masterpiece.

Dinner was the perfect amount of food, any more would have been gluttonous and uncomfortable. Not a bad price point for what was a creative and difficult dinner to prepare. In my opinion, not cuisine for the every day, but perfect for those special occasions when Pumpkin Ravioli, Cornish Hens and Flourless Chocolate Torte don’t float your boat.