Hazzard Ahead
Johnny Hazzard Blog

Sunday, January 27th 2008

Holiday Revenge

Posted by Johnny

The day after my Thanksgiving in Hell I quit that ridiculous job and said goodbye to the pompous owner, to boring and fruitless evening shifts and to two of my new friends Camille and Chris. It was no victory for me. Whatever mild relief I may have felt by ditching the bad restaurant gig was quickly overshadowed by the familiar question, “What next, man?”

My holidays had already been scrapped to make way for a dizzying season in high-end food service. It was too late to go home because I could not find a sitter for Petey and I was not about to leave him alone with some strange person in my house. It was not so much the person I was concerned with as much as it was Petey himself; Petey has issues and believe me it will make for a great story some other time, but for now and the sake of my point I was stranded in Palm Springs for Xmas.

I did not mind being with Petey, I love that dog, I minded not being at home. That really was the worst part; this would be my first Xmas EVER that I did not wake up with my family and it was really making me miserable. Bah Humbug was starting to be my theme and response to anything festive and holiday oriented.

My sister called to ask what she should get my Mom for her birthday, which is the 2ndof January. I told her that perhaps I should come home and surprise her. We agreed that that would be the best idea since Xmas had really upset her. I told ma that I had to work New Year’s Day and I would not be able to make it home. Unfortunately the quality of the surprise was increased dramatically the more depressed she became.

I employed my brother and family to tape the event and keep ma occupied so I could get in the house quietly and surprise the hell out of her. Much to my dismay she was not feeling well when I came home and looked as if she had bet hit with a rhino tranq. She looked at me through a haze, but in a second it registered and well you can see the rest.



9 Comments for this post

 
masochistmonkey Says:

fantastic! my siblings and i do that to my mom all the time. she always acts less surprised than we hoped for…. but messing with mom is usually too fun to pass up.

 
PlanetTelex1980 Says:

That warmed the cockles of my frozen New York City winter heart. Your mom is hilarious!

 
Siceri20ahfu63 Says:

That line was just what I needed. Lost Mom in Sept. Enjoy them while you can. Thank you again!!

 
Johnny Says:

I cherish every moment I have!

 
Rita PHL Says:

It’s always so cool when you share your mom with all of us. Thanks so much — and happy belated birthday Ma Hazzard!

 
dudekissme Says:

Singing with that cigarette was priceless, so funny – reminded me of my mom who is long gone now. beautiful.

 
jimmycatsup Says:

Johnny – just discovered your blog and I’m absolutely hooked. It’s beautifully written and constantly entertaining. Keep it up, for heaven’s sake!!

 
Messire Loup Says:

I’ll be quite direct: porn actors are merely cute guys with the right stuff in the right place, save for a brain and a heart. That’s what I used to believe.

Not only did you prove me wrong, you showed me I was the brainless, heartless prejudiced ass.

You are absolutely adorable, loving, quite witty, fun and very smart. Your friends and family are very lucky to have you, and I am lucky to have found your blog.

 
Johnny Says:

We are very few and far in between… welcome aboard and thank you.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Skyscraper