I lost my virginity to a girl named Erica Welch when I was 13. She was 16 and still in my grade. She just couldn’t get past that 8th grade hump. She was the class geek; ridiculed and tormented like the worst after school special. Being the empathetic and sweet man I am, I befriended her. We hung out after school out of sight of anybody, because if she wasn’t around, they picked on me. God forbid if anyone saw us together, my school career would have been over!

I had two friends in 8th grade, Amy and Aimie, my partners in crime. We snuck out together, smoked cigarettes and drank out of my parents liquor cabinet. Amy and Aimie had lost their cherries in the same night. I was the only one left. I had to get laid, but who could I find? One day after school, Erica and I were walking to another school to take the late bus home with permission slips I forged. On the way, I proposed we take the way through the woods.

We stopped at the creek for a smoke where I asked her to show me her tits. She obliged willingly and we played a little game of exploration for a bit. I went home shocked, a little nauseous and really fucking nervous. I knew I had started the ball rolling and if I was going to do it – this was the girl.

A couple of days later, I asked her if she would fuck me. I added that it would be my first time and I would need some coaching. She was all for it! We decided to do it at my parents house in the basement. They were both home and having friends over was nothing new to them. Perfect! So to throw a twist on things and to make this task a bit more along my taste. I asked Erica if she would mind a 4 way with two of my buddies. She said yes!!!!

The day came. She made it on time. Brian and Cornell arived shortly there after. Awkward was not the word to describe the situation. To be honest, I cannot remember how it all started. I remember telling the boys to count to 50 and meet me in the laudry room where I would hopefully be gettin’ my groove on. They both counted to like 11 and then came around, giggled a little and scurried back to the TV room. Fuckers! Now what do I do? I had seen it done before. I put my dick where I thought it should go and then I think I lasted no more than a minute before I came. God! I was sooooooooooooooooo glad that was over. She didn’t seem to mind that the entire experience lasted 1 minute and 11 seconds. I called my girls and told them of my recent transition to the world of the sexually experienced. I didn’t tell them who until we were in college.

That takes care of the girl…

Before the days of AOL and Manhunt there was Prodigy. An internet sort of thing that my parents got for me and my brother. I was slowly realizing my gayness and was very pleased to see how easy it was to find other gays out there all from this little box. I found some guy from Youngstown who chatted me up. We moved to the phone sex thing and eventually decided to meet. I was 15. There are other details….weird and scary details, but for the most part it was very exciting and sort of gross. b/c he was in fact gross. But it introduced me to a world that was far too short lived. Once the parental unit figured out what type of homework I was doing on the computer it was back to pen and paper for this naughty boy!

Tomorrow night I will be on QTV’s Queer Edge with Chi Chi and Sandra Bernhard. I loves me some Sandra! When they asked if I would appear I almost laughed. Duh! Who wouldn’t want to be propped up between two raging, world-class divas on live television? The show will be live on the east coast at 9PM and re-broadcast at 9PM everywhere else. I would tell you to watch except I didn’t get around to writing this until days later. Yeah, I’ll have to work on that..

Now that all the household things I can do myself have been done it’s time to bring in some outside help. I saw this as another opportunity to learn, but what I’m learning isn’t what you’d think… Contractor practices or a severe lack thereof. Apparently all contractors must swear to an oath of being in a constant state of apology, and perpetually tardy…..all of which I find extremely annoying. The first guy I hired was great, he was polite and somewhat on time. His only fault? I haven’t heard from him since. The work wasn’t anything major, but I had more projects for him. Oh well.

I tried the Pink Pages next. I figured a gay guy wouldn’t play me like that. This one was very polite and seemingly together until he offered to set a date for completion. Ummmm, how about a quote, Mary?! He asked nothing about whether or not the sink sat on tile, wood carpet, bamboo…nothing….what the hell? Yeah, come on out…..I don’t care how much, take your time, here’s the key. Meanwhile – $600 later. Fahget about it!!!

Finally someone referred a guy who said he would be glad to take a look. 1 point: He was on time. 2 points: He said he would be giving me a quote by Friday. Sold!!! Now that’s what I’m talking about! Figures he didn’t have an ad and learned everything from his Dad.

With the entire day free, I decided that today was going to be the start of something new. During my stint in LA to pick up the couch I saw a chiropractor friend about a pain in my left side, right in my ass muscle. I have had it for a long time and only recently is it really getting to be annoying. After some rather painful positions he put me in, I was informed that it is probably a problem with a pinched Siatic nerve. A nerve that runs through your gluteus maximus. If your hamstrings are tight and there is not a lot of stretching in your workouts then the possibility of it getting pinched up is probable. So he told me that stretching is paramount and warming up is a no-brainer. He was actually surprised that somebody “like me” wasn’t stretching. I was kind of ashamed for a moment, like I should know better and I had been very very bad!!! I got over it and learned some stretches from him.

I have never stretched before….ever! I jump right into my w/o. I always felt it was futile, no aesthetic gain will be made from stretching……where are the dumbbells? So today started a new regime. Stretching before every w/o and 10 mins on the elliptical machine….5 mins forward and 5 mins backwards. It felt like an eternity. Just hanging there, no muscles contracting and building, just hanging there……stretching…all in all I didn’t enjoy it, I don’t think it helped that I had heavy metal on my iPod either. Not so conducive for a Zen like experience. But I did it. It hurt and felt weird but I did it. I feel better for it too! After finishing and driving home, I realized that this is something that has to be done, there is no room for deliberation.

I picked up a Yoga schedule and I think I will add it to my list of new things to do. I feel that I will learn more and be much more productive in a class room atmosphere. Plus, flutes and whale calls will be much more calming than Danzig. But man can I bench a mean set with “Mother” blaring through my Pod!

Great. So I have sewing class, Yoga class, a personal trainer and a manual 2 inches thick on the human body. I really am bored. I have nothing to do….ever….. My mother informed me that our immediate family is planning on taking a trip to Calabria, Italy for a vacation to see our roots and bond like Italians do. It would be so cool to learn a bit of Italian before I go. I should take up a class. I need a hobby, it will get me out of the house.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very excited at the notion of all this free time. I have so many clothes to make for my portfolio. T-shirts to dye and design, jeans to “HAZZARDIZE”, and ideas to dream up. Everybody loves the stuff I wear, the jeans I make, the tie-dyed shirts I fuck-up and the logo T’s I wear to parties. So why not take the “unsellables” and make them “collectibles” for my local merchants? They will love it. Love it I tell you!

My trainer cancelled on me, the first time since our relationship began. Poor guy, he had back problems. I found myself saying, “We worked really hard on Wed. I don’t need anything today.” Had I become dependent on having him there? Was he the only way I would get to the gym now? Well, the very thought of that was enough to get my ass into the truck and go. I love the gym, for reasons beyond the market place of deltoids and short shorts. I love the human body, I love the anatomy, I love pushing myself for the better of myself physically and mentally. I need to do it myself, and want it for myself. I do, I really do. I just think I got complacent and needed to see what was happening in order to re-claim my drive. I’m glad he cancelled. It showed me that I have to change where my commitment lies and who I am really doing this for….not to mention the weekly check I write. Thank God it’s a deduction!

Later, at the restaurant, I made $15…..yes ONE FIVE!!!! I am going to give my two weeks in the morning. This is the second job I have quit here in the desert. I have only quit twice in my life…here. This town is just too seasonal, amazing as it may seem. They have 3 solid months out of 12 where you make your dollars and then be sure to save, for a financial drought is sure to follow. Fuck That! I have waited tables all over the place. In Boston I made so much money it should’ve been illegal. This is not Boston. “We are not in Kansas anymore Toto!” I just can’t get into the way things are done here. I’m not sure I can adjust.