Even though we aren’t quite ready, I decided to make my new membership website known to the world. Hazzard Ahead members were treated to a sneak preview last week and I want to thank all of you that provided invaluable feedback and helped make us feel like the project was worth all of our efforts. I also want to thank everybody that went ahead and purchased a membership. It has never been my intent to shake down my fans for cash, but generating content is more work than most people realize. And even though Boy Wonder practically gave away his services to keep my sites going each month I was still shelling out some decent change for my presence on the web.

Now it’s time for a change. Hazzard Ahead will still be completely free, but most of our videos and photos will reside at Hazzard Central. In the very near future, all Hazzard Central members will be able to view big, fat versions of the images featured on Hazzard Ahead right on this site.

If you did not receive an invitation to participate in the sneak preview of Hazzard Central and were already a Hazzard Ahead member before today, write to Boy Wonder and he will set you up with a free trial. If you weren’t a member before, just send him some naked photos of yourself and perhaps he’ll give you one anyway! It’s worth a shot, right?

Check out the new site. There is plenty to see even without a membership and I really want to hear what you think of the site. I mean, I want you to tell Boy Wonder so he can give me the Reader’s Digest version.

Chi Chi LaRue and Hue Wilde generously donated their time and expertise to shoot this promo video for my new site. That is a HUGE deal because they are very busy people that barely have time to take care of the things they get paid for. I hope you enjoy the result. There will be a behind-the-scenes video featured on Hazzard Central next month.

I had a big breakfast with BW before our little meeting with the head honcho at Channel 1. You see, among other things, BW and I have a very good understanding of each other and what we, well, what I can handle mentally. When it comes to the nuts and bolts, I like him in my corner to talk the talk and then translate for me later. I have tried earnestly to participate in such discussions, but always get bored and start thinking about drawing kites or watching kittens frolic under rainbows. Hey, I know my strengths and my weaknesses.

Yesterday marked the end of the first of two weeks that make up “Restaurant Week 2006.” I have a love hate relationship with it. This year because we had so much fun last year and the years prior we decided to add another week.

What is really is a chance for us and others to showcase our stuff so to speak. We offer two dishes for the entrées and also offer a choice of two first courses. Mousse Au Chocolate is the only dessert option; quick, easy, f$!@#%g good and easy to make in batches in 20. This wherein lies my love, volume. Volume is the key to surviving a $40 check average. From 5:30 to about 9 we are steady and fully seated. Turn and Burn is what we say, “get em in get em out.”

Having a limited menu really helps this along. The time required to deliberate over one of two first and main courses usually ends in somebody taking one and the other person taking the other; it is the only logical way to go. Having the dessert already ordered eliminates 10 minutes at least from the turn time. After the Mousse is on the table long enough for the guests to be completely enveloped in chocolate ecstasy, the check is down and I am asking for valet tickets.

I have the ability to turn tables very quickly without sacrificing level of service or coming across as pushy; it’s a skill. However, there is only so much you can do. There are those times when the guest has the upper hand and will not budge hence, my hate. The car is outside, there are no water glasses in front of them, the silverware is resting on the side station behind them ready for the next seating and the next scheduled party is actually standing behind them, but they do not notice. Instead they pick at breadcrumbs and ignore any and everything around them. This will kill you. This did kill me, luckily it was Thursday and I had Friday and Saturday off.

There was a party of 4 that was 50 minutes late. That is one full turn on 2 deuces that I missed, not to mention throwing Don’s carefully calculated floor plan into Code Red. They were fully aware of the mistake and apologized to Don and to me when they sat. Don whispered in my ear as I approached them that I had to have them out in 48 minutes. I was confident in my ability and confident that they would move along fast enough for us to recover from their costly mistake, well you would think!

They chose to stray from the fixed price menu and ordered from our limited regular menu. 15 minutes lost. They also ordered a bottle of wine, normally this is good for check averages, but during times like these all corners are cut and there is no time for savoring a bottle of Medoc. I began to accept my defeat.

I cleared the dinner plates after continuous harassment of one of the female patrons over a small dice of Filet. Surveying the table early on I knew that these two girls were sisters that inexplicably had some sort of social arrangement with the two guys who reminded me very well of…. well… “TARDS”. They were corny, flirting sloppily while trying to get these girls drunk enough to justify hanging out with them. The whole thing was very nauseating to witness.

At one point during dessert and the second bottle of wine I caught a glimpse of what looked like an attempt to read of the girls’ palms. He stared intently and interestingly into her hand while she glared into the other direction looking very stoned and fixed on the floral arrangement that rested on the breaker wall in front of her. I dropped the check directly in front of his flow of cosmic garble. 20 minutes later I saw him talking at the same girl in front of the restroom. I asked him if he had a valet ticket rather sternly and waited until he fussed in all 5 pockets before he found it; he asked me,

“Are you kicking me out?” (sad chuckle)

“Well sort of, yeah. We are running pretty tight up there now” I said it a tone that was supposed to be a bit punishing. I think it worked because as soon as he returned the TARDS both produced a credit card that was processed before they took their next breath.

I never recovered from that little foil, but I did go out that night and met somebody, that I thought I had known before, but as it was made clear to me, I was sadly, and embarrassingly wrong.