Rob and I had some awesome Mexican chow for dinner before retiring early for our flight this morning. Problem was I didn't sleep well. It wasn't due to excitement or food poisoning mind you, it was due to snoring, Rob's. The loudest snoring I have ever heard. I was sleeping in the guest room which was on the other end of the adjacent room. Through a wall and across a room this sound carried. I was truly amazed and completely annoyed. Then all of a sudden, silence. He just stopped. I though for a moment that he might have rolled over onto the pillow face down and asphixited himself. I contemplated going in to check up on him, but decided against it. Obviously it wasn't a problem.


We flew SouthWest and upon arriving at the gate, I was faced with a situation. Open seating. WHAT? Are you kidding me with this? No, they weren't. It was absolutely ridiculous. I still have no idea what purpose that served and who was benefiting from the cattle call.


The weather sucked in LA and we appears to have followed us to Phoenix. Cloudy with a threat of rain. I am glad that Luca and Rob are staying here at the hotel with me. This would be a little depressing had I been here all on my own. There is a Deaf Convention here as well. It has been a while since I have signed and am looking forward to the oppurtunity to talk to some of the guys.


When I sat down in the lobby waiting for Rob to check us all in, I saw myself on the cover of ECHO, the local gay community magazine. I'm still not used to finding myself randomly publicized. Why doesn't anybody tell me these things? Apparently they have never featured a porn star on the cover before. I must say it was quite an honor and rather exciting to see it in the hotel lobby casually displayed next to Harper's and Good Housekeeping. It may be a good weekend after all...

This morning I woke up excited as hell. I was about to embark on an exciting weekend. I will be stopping in LA for the evening before getting a flight to Phoenix for the Pride Celebration. When I return I will be going on my longest solo road trip to date. On Monday morning I am leaving at the crack of dawn to drive to San Fransisco. One of my best buddies lives there and seeing him is always very centering. He's remained the same through everything and that is very special to me.


It just so happens, that François is staying there until he returns to Paris. It will be nice to see them both for (obviously) different reasons. I must say I am most excited for the drive. Me, Milo and I5. Good tunes, sunshine (hopefully) and some good catch-up conversations with people back home. Quality time spent with one of my favorite persons. Me. I love being by myself. Granted, sometimes I like to have the energy of somebody else around, but for the most part I enjoy being with me.


Before I left for LA this morning I stopped and got an iced coffee for the journey. I also asked for an extra plastic cup. The only good thing about traffic jams on the 10 is they afford you a chance to pee. I have mastered the skill of peeing while crawling along in traffic. The only thing that took a while was learning to accelerate while trying to contract my bladder to stop the flow because the plastic cup was filled. The idea of stopping the stream coupled with a desire to go faster proved to be a huge mind fuck and resulted in a few damp shorts in the beginning, but now, flawless. I had to go twice on the way down. The second time was at about 70 mph and almost ended in much more than a moist spot. Don't worry - it wasn't like car crash bad, just spilling about 24 oz of neon urine all over the driver side bad.


I have 2.5 hrs to kill before I meet my PR guy Rob to have dinner with him. I'm staying at his place tonight so we can catch an early flight together tomorrow. BoyWonder will be here in 30 mins to help me pass the time. I keep thinking about my kitchen. Probably the most rewarding part of a job like this is being able to come back to it after spending some time away and really see my accomplishment in all of its glory! I look forward to seeing it when it's really done!

There were not enough hours in the day today for what I had set out to accomplish. That space in between the ceiling and wall that I enjoy doing was keeping me up last night. I was able to see my distraction and impatience in the streaks on the wall before I went to bed. Most of my REM sleep was spent trying to figure out what size brush would best suit the job. I decided on the 1/2".


The majority of today was spent running around completing errands, one of which was finding a pair of flip flops, that was paramount, everything else would fall into place. I wanted to get home to the kitchen, plagued by streaks and imperfection, it needed some serious attention. You know, this is how the Sistine was done, a little Italian man on a ladder painting very detailed lines in a ceiling. After some undivided attention I was able to complete the kitchen by early evening.


I just finished a 2 hour and 10 min flick called "In Her Shoes", cute, but waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long for me to deal with at one sitting. It took me three days to finish. And I've only been home for three days. Tomorrow I'm driving to LA to begin what promises to be a very social Saturday in Phoenix for their Gay Pride. They have to have the Pride celebration before it gets so hot that birds start dropping out of the sky and busses sink into the asphalt. Saturday will begin with me and Luca DiCorso paraded around in a convertible for the parade. Sashes? Tiaras? Evening-length gloves, perhaps? Next is an autograph session followed by a couple of side steps on a box in short shorts (you can't show crack in Phoenix) at a party that night. A long day for sure. Usually I only have to be "on" for an hour or two but this gig has my Johnny switch activated a little longer than normal. It will definitely be a Calgon night.

It's back to the grind today. Thoughts of François seem to distract me all day. I decided to paint the kitchen today to look a little more attractive to potential renters. Painting has always been a calming activity for me; like productive meditation. The detail required to get into that space between the wall and ceiling is my favorite part. All of a sudden I remembered my last night with François and paint dripped from the brush onto my kitchen floor. I shook it off, had a glass of water and a cold shower and resumed. I got half way through the first wall when I decided to break for Hazzard Mail. Expecting the usual slew of pharmaceutical ads peppered with erection promises and big tittie web cam adverts, I was surprised to see one letter in particular. You guessed it, a lovely note from Monsieur Sagat.


I had been toying with the idea of taking a drive up to San Francisco where he is staying after I get back from Phoenix on Sunday. Well, it looks like I need not toy any longer. As of Monday afternoon I will be French kissing the Frenchman. Kissing this man is like nothing I have ever experienced. His style parallels mine to a T! I am definitely one to kiss and tell and let me tell you!!!!


Once the paint had dried on my brush, making it virtually impossible to continue the project, I cursed my lack of discipline. Listening to my latest music review for Frontiers proved to be a good distraction from my hormones and imagination. I'm not in 7th grade anymore. I don't crush on boys. And yet I still found myself checking Hazzard Mail far more than usual...

The Face of Rascal Video
Meets The Face of Raging Stallion

BoyWonder sent me a photo of François Sagat last Monday. The subject of the e-mail was "HOT!" and no message was needed. What he didn't know was that I had already met François at the GayVN Awards ceremony and was attempting to wrangle a meeting with him while I was in LA. Does he know my taste or what?

It looked as though our schedules would not permit a meeting and I was disappointed to say the least. Then out of no where he was in LA for work on Wednesday and guess where Raging Stallion put him up. That's right - my very hotel, within sight of my poolside room. Destiny - not just cheap perfume after all.

I'm not ashamed to say it. I was nervous as hell about meeting him. I had positioned myself in front of the window that faced the front entrance. I was so nervous that I had chewed my finger nails down to near bloody stubs and was just about to start on my toes when he arrived. He has a very commanding presence and that intimidated me almost as much as the rush of anticipation that was cramping my stomach. As soon as we met he put me at ease with his mischievous smile and gracious charm. There was no attitude at all. His charm and personality were instant winners. BoyWonder overheard me talking with François on Monday night and when I got off the phone he said, "You know, you should play it a little cooler. You are Johnny Hazzard after all." My head just doesn't work that way. If a guy makes me giddy just thinking about him, you had better believe I'm going to feel just a little vulnerable and insecure. That's right, folks.

Once the initial confrontation was behind us it didn't take long for our chemistry to kick into high gear. Every inch of this man is a turn on for me. If you ask me, he is physically perfect. And his hot, French accent only makes things worse. When a man takes control of a situation I melt like snow in the rain. As we were in his room talking I felt like this was my first time at the rodeo. I couldn't find my words, was studdering and had no idea how to direct the conversation. Then he asked, "Do you want to go outside, stay here or maybe....kiss?" No, how about we go outside. François took the reigns on that one. I am usually the one to make the first move, but I just couldn't muster up the courage - thank God he did. We then went for a wild ride - definitely an "E" ticket. The best part though was sleeping soundly wrapped around him with my face buried in his neck. Utter perfection.

On March 26, those of you in the Southern CA region will be able to see Johnny Hazzard in a new form - The Music Reviewer for Frontiers Magazine. I reviewed a band called the Lashes, their album "Get It" is now part of my top 10. I must say that this is really exciting, a completely new way of expression and you know what the best part is - you can't see me. I must say it is very refreshing. I feel successful in a new way and I like that. You all may have seen the article/interview I did with InNewsWeekly out in Boston. I will have a guest entry on why I return to Boston every summer. It will run in the Pride issue in June and hopefully will lead to a regular spot.


My scene went really well yesterday. My newbie co-star Justin Slater is just my type. Standing at 5'10" he has a look of Marlboro man meets super hero with a face and pecs carved from granite. He is solid, hairy and full of smiles. We did it in a sling with me topping! I LOVE TO TOP A MUSCLED MAN! Chi Chi was more than pleased. I believe the movie is called "Leather Sessions" and I think the theme is Asian.


Last night was spent writing and holding the phone to my ear answering questions from a Sprint Representative named J.R. I renewed my contract yesterday and apparently got lucky when I was put through to him. He was able to offer me a free phone through the mail in 3 days complete with phone number and no interaction of any kind with anybody. Just the way I like it. I asked why he was able to deliver this piece of goodness into my life. He replied that some reps can offer certain things when others cannot. Just as I was appreciating my good luck, the signal cut out. I thought maybe he would call back but he never did. It turns out however that he did, but my phone never rang. This morning I spent my morning coffee cursing the Hollywood Hills. But low and behold, J.R. called as I was doing this entry and was able to reinstate my good luck.

My drive to LA was absolutely perfect. I was in no mood for traffic and whaddya know - there was none! I checked in at the hotel and 2 hrs later BoyWonder arrived with a bottle of a lovely domestic blend from Napa Valley and a flood of ideas scribbled on a pad. I brought a bottle of 95 Perrier Jouët complete with engraved stemware encased in a velvet lined box. Unfortunately, I was still a bit hungover and jet lagged to really enjoy such a great Champagne. We spent the evening toasting thoughts over red wine, salads and little nibblies from Trader Joe's.


We had other things besides thoughts to toast. We had our first sale at my shop Sunday from Stephen in Chicago. A perfect occasion for a bottle of 95 PJ! The shop project seemed to go on forever, but I must say it was worth the wait. I try not to think about the hours of work and years off the life of my steadfast web master. Hell, I never expected I would have to work so much on that thing. So hey BoyWonder - Cheers, dear friend, to a job well done!


There is so much happening now from a technical POV it's sick. My friends at Channel 1 are working with us to bring some pretty cool things to fruition in the coming months. This blog is really the first step to making my site a real destination on the web. When we're done it will be easy to lose hours looking around.


My Mother posted her first entry on HazzardAhead.com today. Hot! I love that! How can you not? This gives me such a connection with her and makes me so grateful that we are who we are together. Porn put a small wedge between us at first, indirectly, I mean. It's a very unique situation to have your kid do porn. It's not something you typically prepare to cope with. For a while it was a subject that rarely came up between us. Uncomfortable feelings on both sides were to blame, but I feel that her visit really personalized what I do. I hope her guest posts become a regular fixture here.

My little tour this weeekend ended beautifully, I am richer than I was on Friday morning and I have chapped lips from the 3 different climates I have been in.


I changed my flight home from Orlando. Originally it departed at 6:45pm, arriving in Palm Springs at 11ish. That would never do. I changed it to a 7:30am out of Orlando this morning, getting into Palm Springs in just enough time for me to write an entry, pack a bag and leave for LA. I will be doing a scene Tuesday with a hottie newcomer named Justin Slater. BoyWonder and I are having a pajama party slash business meeting slash drainstorm, I mean brainstorm tonight.


You might think I am a little crazy for arranging such a masochistic travel schedule with meetings and scenes literally back to back, but I was having too much in Orlando to leave that night. I am really very excited to see BW tonight for our pow wow . We have really come far in the last month. Awards, shops, bank accounts, ideas, names and concepts have been a standard element of our daily conversations. Tonight we put all our thoughts and ideas on paper over a bottle of Bordeaux and catch up!

I woke up promptly at 5 AM as scheduled and arrived at Palm Springs airport on time. The opportunities for surreal experiences at that hour are ripe and I noticed that I was surrounded by kids wearing obnoxious green hats. My connection was in Salt Lake. I called my mom to tell her that my first leg has been completed and I was very cold in my flip-flops. She told me that she had driven my brother and his friends to a local bar and that they were sharing a couple of brews before heading back into the office. My mother drinking before she goes in to work? My brother chauffeured to a bar? The boy owns three cars! What the hell is going on over there?


I boarded the plane and saw that the flight attendant had green streaks in her hair. I wondered if her supervisor knew. I liked it, but I thought that Delta may have another opinion. After a relatively painless flight and a kick-ass movie, Aeon Flux, we landed in Philly. It was then that everything became clear. The green shamrock on the billboard advertising green beers was my tip off. St. Patrick's Day. Sometimes it takes longer for me. This bar I am performing at is going to be full of very, very happy people tonight - especially when you consider they were having open bar from 10 - 11. Smart, but that could be troublesome.


As I pulled up to the hotel the memories came flooding back. I did my very first dance gig there over 3 years ago. I used Suzanne Palmer's "Show Me" as my song and I choreographed that bitch down to the second. I was sooooo nervous. I spent countless hours picking out my outfit and still hadn't decided on one. I brought like 4 sets to narrow it down. Looking back I had to chuckle. These days, I throw a pair of underwear in the suitcase, tell the DJ to play something with drums and ask the GM if I have an open bar.


Before the gig I got a call from Butch. He does a local cable show called "In Bed With Butch". Since he agreed to come by the hotel, I figured why not? I didn't even have to put on my shoes! It was a quick interview. Soon it was time to begin the show. It was a very flattering evening. They always are. The club was packed, complete with a small contingent of 20 somethings armed with digital cameras. They asked me if I would pose for some shots, I told them that they had 5 poses from me and then I was done. They could however shoot candid shots to their hearts content. "Don't you mind" they asked, "No, not at all, I just wanna fuckin' dance."


Dance gigs are great. It's a nice chunk of change to dance around a stage, have a great time being me, answer some questions from the fans and then sign some photos. I go on at midnight and I'm in the hotel room by 2. Perfect.

Today's lesson of the day: When ordering a small coffee and planning to travel more than a few steps, order it in a medium cup. My short drive to the gym and the fumbling to get my membership card on my key ring to be correctly read at the entrance gate left my shirt spotted with the House blend and my hands in 1st degree burns. BoyWonder was right - I do live my life like the Tasmanian Devil sometimes.


Milo got a new toy today, we actually both benefit from this purchase - a removable cover for his bed. It's a 58lb. cover that hinges at the cab and locks at the tailgate. Complete with mounting brackets and interior light, it will make this year's annual pilgrimage to Boston from CA a breeze. You see, otherwise, Sarah and I are unpacking the bed and re-packing it every night and every morning usually after a day's drive or a night's sleep in some alleged non-smoking room. For half of the trip last year we had to incorporate a water proof tarp around the luggage that was arranged more intricately than a game of Tetris. Even though the luggage was packed according to map, the tarp never seemed to fit exactly the same way each time. Often it took more than three tries to get it right with bungee cords wrapping it up and fastening the hooks to any and everything that was bolted to the truck. This year will be so easy I can hardly wait. I love to drive. I love Sarah. I love Milo.


My bumper stickers always stir up some emotion in people, whether it's a puzzled glare, a proud agreeable smile or a dismissing glance. When I arrived at the auto shop to take Milo in for his fitting I knew I was about to have an experience. The shopkeeper, Paul, seemed to get a kick out of them. He especially liked, "Comfort The Disturbed, Disturb The Comfortable". He said that his neighbors would love me. When I asked who his neighbors were he replied "Liberals". At that he went next door and said that he finally had a customer that they would like, they cheered and came outside to meet their new friend. Their names were Steve and Pam. They were operating an "old school shaving supply company" complete with brushes and straight razors. They were quite fond of the sticker "God Bless Everyone, No Exceptions", a personal favorite of mine. For a moment we traded best sticker stories consisting of stickers that we had seen, but would never put on our vehicles for fear of vandalism and/or bodily harm. My favorite was "For 4 More Years of Prosperity and Peace, I Would Suck Bill's Dick." Hot!!!!! Usually at auto garages and places of masculine talent, I am a little uncomfortable, but here I felt totally at ease. They even offered me some of their homemade Buffalo Stroganoff. I declined politely explaining that I just had a late lunch. I thanked everybody for their hospitality, grabbed my keys and returned home for an afternoon of sun by the pool. I have to get up at 5am for a flight out of Palm Springs at 6:50 am bound for Philly. I will be doing one of those "appearances" that Club Channel 1 arranges for us every now and then. The problem with doing them is that they are always somewhere East and to avoid the host paying for an additional hotel room, I must travel out very early to get into town for that night's check in. Traveling on somebody else's budget is also iffy at best. The possibility of long lay-overs in Midwestern airports is highly probable. I will keep my fingers crossed and try to get to bed early.

The time has finally arrived. After months of trial & error, pain & agony, triumph and defeat my storefront is FINALLY open for business. BoyWonder has been a real taskmaster on this one; reprimanding me for not doing my "homework" and forgetting important details or losing paperwork. Hopefully that's all behind us now. Oh yeah, except for that other thing...

So go check out the shop. By next week I will be offering autographed, high-glass glossy prints and before long there will be some Hazzardous shirts as well. Step by step we get closer.

The awards last week really took me by storm. It was a rush that I did not expect at all. Waiting for the name to be read from the envelope was so nerve racking I thought I was going to puke. Seriously, I could really feel the tension in my gut - or was that the gin and tonics Rage so freely dispensed to me? Whatever the case, it was incredible.


A great deal of work went in to that scene with Tyler. The tight quarters proved to be a major technical challenge for lighting and Chi Chi had to instruct everybody via baby monitor. After it was done we knew it felt like a winner.


Who knew I would have to act for porn? It never occurred to me. I honestly blew the entire thing off. Lines? Oh sure, why not? Well, let me tell you - I've learned my lesson. Cut!...again...now from this angle, now from this one....wait!, car, wait, plane. Johnny, you fucked up. It was definitely an experience that I would love to do again. In fact, I have been given a scripts for a couple of Indie films. It just goes to prove that porn is drifting closer and closer to the mainstream and awards open doors.


The awards ceremony was a total rush, but immediately after I got to do something even more exhilarating. Picture it. West Hollywood, 2006, the beginning of the After Party at the Abbey thrown by Channel 1. BoyWonder and I walked past 70 or so people waiting in line to his car to stash my winnings. (Lord knows those babies would never have seen the dawn if they joined me inside.) Upon reaching the end of the line, I turned to BoyWonder and said, "I hate people that do this, but tonight is my fucking night." We walked right up to the front of the line and bore a path through the throng of angry people that would have traded an vital organ to gain entrance. I made eye contact with the doorman and that was it, done! No questions. That was so cool!


Anyone that knows me at all will tell you that I'm not the meet-and-greet sort. Sure, I enjoy interesting conversation over a cocktail, but making the rounds just isn't in my repertoire. BoyWonder is even worse and yet he was driving me like a tractor mower. In certain situations he shows a side of his personality that's in storage most of the time. He introduced me to John D'Addario of Fleshbot fame, who I had only corresponded with before. I spoke briefly with Gay Porn Blog editor Jack Shamama from the Falcon camp. The lovely and vivacious MaleFlixxx-matrix Mary rocked my world with her crownless queen attitude and boytoy entourage. Jesus, it is all such a blur!


Well, that is all I can possibly muster for now. Thanks again to all the positive feedback from my readers - and to one especially (you know who you are).

I open this entry with one word. Sorry. Not only does it happen to be one of the hardest words for me to say, but it is also the name of Madonna's newest single and the latest feature on my music player. To add to the sweetness? Let's see what our buddies, Pet Shop Boys turn out....oh wait, it gets better. For those of you that are friends of Eddie and Patsy, hold on to your chair and press play......did ya get it? If you have no idea what I am talking about and yet consider yourself to be friends of the Ab Fab duo, you are instructed to rent or re-watch the Fat and Book Clubbin' episodes and try again. BoyWonder is not only my global tie-in to the technical world of URL's and forward slashes, but a valuable and creative asset to my site and my life. That being said, he had me laugh out loud when I heard his slightly tweaked mix of Sorry. Bubble is a great way to end my day of drilling, painting and constructing.


Today I finally took the awards out of my truck, Milo, where they have been sitting since Thurs evening. I wanted somewhere to place them besides the coffee table behind the stereo. I went to Target, purchased some of what seemed to be sturdy shelves, hooked them in, placed the awards on top and watched as the entire production came crashing down on to the floor. Unharmed by the fall, I picked up my Oscars..... and put them on the coffee table - behind the stereo. I cursed Target and the stupid, ridiculous composition of the shelves and the impossible way of attatching them. It was clear that nobody had put this thought to practice. Anyway, having this happen to me quite often when undertaking such projects, I realized the alternatives and began to start on plan B. A half hour later, my babies were sturdy and prominently displayed on my bedroom wall.


I sat down and looked at my achievement and became very pleased at the obstacle I had overcome. But then something came over me. A feeling. When I concentrated on the feeling trying to put it to words, a question began to emerge. "What next?" How am I/we going to top this? What is left? Another impecable, award-worthy acting spot? Maybe something with, let's say stunts or body doubles or pyrotechnics perhaps? I have faith that Chi Chi will prevail yet again. I can't speak for her, but the success of Wrong Side has made me hungry for an even greater challenge.


On another topic entirely, I know from my stats bar (thanks BW) that I reach a lot of you in far away places. This is for those of you in South Africa - all six of you. I am planning a trip there with a stay in Capetown. Any B&B's worth mentioning that are in "the hood" and reasonable.

Yesterday I dropped mom at LAX for her redeye back home. The entire day I saw that she was keeping something back. Tears. Sadness. It broke my heart really, I was so sad to have to end what was such a great time for her. I could've honestly had her here for an additional week. Easy. But she had to go back. It was suprisingly painful for me that I actually cried most the way down La Cienega. I told her to call me when she got to the gate. I really meant it and felt so relieved to hear from her once she was there. Had this been the way she had felt when I left for my first day of kindergarten?


So tonight is the big night. The 2006 GAYVN Awards. I'm up for 5, including: "Best Actor", "Best Performer", "Best Solo Scene", "Best Sex Scene", and something else obviously not of much interest to me. The movie itself carries 12. To tell you the truth, I am a bit nervous. Not only for me, but for my company. This was such a monumental group effort. We all worked very hard to make this happen. Some had to work "harder" than others. Oh come on! You didn't think I was going to let that pass did you? Last night and the better part of this morning were spent finishing the blazer I designed special for the event(s). Funny, I knew this was happening last year yet I still waited until 2 days before the party to start my project. I guess that keeps it fresh.

Tonight mother returns East. She has always enjoyed meeting the people that are close to me. All through High School she encouraged my friends to come to our house whenever they wanted. How convenient that our outdoor fridge came equipped with a tap of Miller Genuine Draft and a fully-stocked bar downstairs from the days when my parents owned and operated a bar. She loved meeting my friends and why should this visit and time of my life be any different? I had her meet Boywonder at one of our favorite little places, Cheebo. I also thought she would enjoy seeing the studio where all the magic happens. The day we visited the studio, I sat my mom in front of the new edition of Unzipped as I went upstairs to see who was there. I immediately saw Chi Chi and Rob Reimer, my publicist viewing the trailer for "GAYVN Performer Of The Year" in her office. "I have a guest here" I said in a non-chalant tone and yelled downstairs "come on up." "Who is it?" Chi Chi asked. "My mom" I said. She couldn't have reached for that remote to press stop fast enough. My mother gave her a big hug and as Chi Chi peered over her sholder, she caught my eye and said in a big smile with a very condescending tone "Do you really think it's OK for her to be here"..."Are you kidding me?" "It's soooooo fine". After getting my approval and losing the quite attractive shade of embarrassment Chi Chi had just put on, she said "Great, look at this" With that being said, she pressed play and all 4 of us watched as man after man was introduced as contender for "Performer Of The Year."


Right before we left, Rob kindly supplied my mom with all of my recent magazines and the "Warning" book put out by Greg Thompson. She took a quick look through the mags and said that she couldn't wait to show some of her girlfriends back home.


I was so glad that she finally got a face to put to the multitude of descriptions and constant references I put out all the time. Now when I say that I am at the studio or that I'm having lunch with Boywonder at Cheebo, she can sit back in her Lazy Boy recliner 3000 miles away and see it just as if she were here.

As you may remember my friends here in PS have an AMAZING house they use as a "get-away" place. We did the under-water sequence in Wrong Side here and the soon-to-be-published shoot for "Attitude" magazine.


Mike, my mother and I were enjoying a bit of luxury by the pool when I noticed that there was a man on the second floor patio of the adjacent condo. No biggie, he was watering his plants. After about 20 mins I looked up from my Vanity Fair and noticed he was still watering - succulents and cacti. OK. It was now clear we had an admirer on our hands. What are you going to do? Yell at him? Call the police? Believe you me I have been through greater challenges. After finishing the article on Paris Hilton and perging promptly there after I noticed that our little admirer had now decided to try and do a "Porn Stars Gone Wild" episode. The man had a video camera pointed right at us. When Mike and I stared back at him, hoping to interupt his covert operation, he took no mind and continued to film. A little funny. Yes. Highly annoying. Oui. Par for the course. Absolutely.


I spoke to the owners of the house later that evening. They asked me if I had noticed where the gardners had removed some trees to make room for some 20ft. tall pieces of shrubbery. When I asked why they said that they felt like they needed some more privacy. Funny you say that guys, get a load of this...

After fetching Mom from LAX on Wed. night we enjoyed a light dinner at Skewers, one of my favorite places in WEHO. My Mother, after having two glasses of wine at East West, decided that she must inform the waiter that before him sat Johnny Hazzard. My Mother looked over at me for some sort of approval and was met with heavy disdain instead. The waiter after saying the obligatory "I'm a big fan of yours" left uncomfortably. I asked her what posessed her to say that. She thought that was how I lived here and went about my existence when in LA. I informed her that wasn't the case and I do not need to wear the Johnny sash all the time. In fact, it never sees the light of day.


Having her in LA was especially nice, I brought her to the studio where everything is done, she got to meet Chi Chi, who donned a lovely shade of embarassment upon seeing my Mom. That was fun. She also met Rob Reimer, the event manager and main artery to Club Channel 1. I wanted her to see the places that I speak of so often and to have faces to match the names that she hears of now and then.


Driving around WEHO she was able to get a taste of some down home, good ole fashioned LA Road Rage. Mind you I was not raging, just a little annoyed at the blantant displays of stupidity and entitlement is all. I own a truck, a big one, so those games of impatience and intimidation do not work so well with me. That was only the warm up for the trek home. You guessed it - LA to PS on Friday afternoon. Perfect! We were very lucky. It was the type of traffic that crawls with no real stopping and going. At that hour the HOV lanes are of no help. It's just you and the lines of red and white that seem to guide you down an endless 5 lane highway. I was way prepared for this. I knew that there would be some serious questions about something Gay-Related proposed by Mom. The 5 glasses of Ruby Port at Cheebo that Mom enjoyed before our travels only worked to lubricate the task of having to ask them.


One in particular that I have to tell you all refers to our loose use of gender pronouns. She often heard of a he being desribed as a she. And she asked if that anything to do with sexual roles. After some thought and a hearty laugh I simply put it that sometimes men exhibit behavior thought to be reserved for our female counterparts. And sometimes we might tell a story that describes the attitude of one of our friends as being well.....bitchy or girly or snotty, etc. She also thought that Ab Fab was an exercise show. Needless to say, the next 3.5 hrs were very enlightening and entertaining. I think to add to the fun we will go to Hunters tonight.

On Monday during my coffee run with Sarah, as the wind was penetrating the 5 layers I had around my body she exclaimed, "this is the coldest day we've had all winter." Oh good - so priveleged to be here for record cold. I remember this cold. It gets to your bones and stays there alllllllll day. It's impossible to shake no matter how much Green Tea you drink or how many sweatshirts you layer on. However, that cold is somewhat exhilirating. I remember going out on bike rides or jogs and getting this high. Perhaps it was oxygen depravation. At any rate, doing such activities requires a deliberate choice to be out there. For most of the day my choice was to stay inside. I did not want to be out there, at all! It was not exhilirating - it was painful. But it's over now.


I am back in sunny LA and this time so is Mom! I picked her up last night and am looking forward to having a great time. She has never been farther West than Chicago, living in Cleveland, Ohio her entire life. It will be fun to see her react to this new land. Finally she can see my world and meet all the people in my life she's heard so much about.


This is for you, Ricky, and everybody else that was quite perturbed that I had not written in the last couple days. I can sum it up in one letter. E. Sarah's computer had no E key. At first I tried to work around it. The key would work, but it took a hard direct punch to make anything register. After 3 words and a sharp pain developing in my right index finger I decided that it was not worth the effort and risk. As you all know I do not type in the "correct" manner. Couple that with no E key and well you have pretty much thrown me off completely. So I apologize to all those who were looking forward to my little dramas and amusing ditties. I am with my Vaio now and EvErything is working just finE!